"Leave me alone!"...anyone else?

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Registered: 03-27-2003
"Leave me alone!"...anyone else?
9
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 7:41pm

Sorry, I know I posted a bit about this in the roll call, but just wanted to ask if anyone had experienced this. For a week or two, I've gotten increasingly cranky and irritable, with a strong desire to be left alone. I think I've managed to hide it, at least at work, by staying very quiet (today a co-worker said she never knew if I was around cause I never said anything!)...I have nothing to say anyway.

But it's gotten to the point that I'm plotting ways to avoid people...a friend reminded me that I'd agreed to go out with her tomorrow...it felt like she was giving me a prison sentence...I'm determined to back out of it somehow. And someone else just left a message on my phone (I'm not answering it) asking if I'd join him and a group for dinner...I'm planning to act like I didn't get the message in time.

Intellectually I know I should be very grateful for these invitations and these friends. Up til now, I've tried to force myself to accept at least part of the time, and I have acted pretty social even though I didn't want to. But now I can honestly say that 100% of me just wants to be alone and doesn't care about the consequences.

Still, I wonder if this is "just a mood" and if I'll regret it later if I completely isolate myself. Oddly enough I haven't been feeling very depressed when I'm by myself... so I have trouble understanding if this is a sign of depression or not. Really I've been pretty busy and energetic...just utterly annoyed by anyone "invading my space" or taking up my time...awful, I know.

I know you all must dislike me for posting this kind of stuff and not being around much to be supportive...I do apologize. I just can't seem to get many friendly words out lately. Just wondering if any of you have ever felt like this, and if so, what you did about it...I guess I could force myself to go out, but I feel like I'd hate every minute of it and would probably alienate my friends more by acting distant.

And as I said, I'm having trouble getting myself to care about the consequences of declining every invitation for no good reason. Although staying in my room and stuffing myself with food (trying to break that cycle) probably isn't the healthiest thing either.

Thanks for reading...this is just so different from my usual depression that I'm a little lost...(and after telling my mom "I just want to be left alone," a little guilty...)

Rose

Edit: I don't have a therapist and haven't for a while...I'd like to find one, but the only one left on my insurance (after the last one "dumped" me) is a ways away, and I wouldn't be able to make it each week with my job, much as I think I probably need it...although ironically, my wish to be alone makes me not even want to talk in therapy!




Edited 6/10/2005 7:55 pm ET ET by rosa444
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 8:21pm

{{{{{{{Rose}}}}}}}


I get like that when I am in a depression even if it doesn't seem that I'm depressed. I hate that feeling but I suppose I'd rather avoid people than be a nasty *B* to them or around them.


I hope this passes quickly for you. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone


Hugs & Prayers,



Danielle


Hysterectomy & Alternatives


Host of Tuesday Night Anxiety, Panic & Phobia's Chat 7 - 9 pm MST


"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." --Unknown


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Hugs & Positive Thoughts Always,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 12:25am

that's crazy talk! whatta ya mean we'll dislike you for this kind of post? girl we get all kinds of posts here and NONE of them take president over another, there ALL important...and useful and helpful.

I know exactly what your talking about. i'm going thru it right now. it was much much worse about a year and a half ago. it got to the point i wouldn't even leave my bedroom. i wouldn't answer phones, doorbells, knocks, i just counldn't be bothered. whenever we had company and i didn't know about it in advance, i wasn't a very hospitable person. and even if i knew they were coming, i would have to take a sedative just to get thru the evening. i would get so upset with DH for letting visitors in the house til finally he snapped and said "im running out of excuses to tell our friends, why can't they just come over?" it was pretty bad it got to the point where DH had to practically drag me out of the house. he took over ALL household duties, even grocery shopping because i didn't want or more like couldn't go in a grocery store or anywhere else. i was a prizoner by choice.

im an avid reader, i mean i really like to read. i usually put away about 2 books a week. well when it got to the point that i was so agitated that i couldn't read, that was the last straw for me. Mind you all through this i was seeing my pdoc (i didnt have a tdoc at that time) and even she or the meds could get me out of that bedroom, not even to shower (PU!) eventually my friends started forcing their way into the house and into my bedroom (i had attempted to totally cut them out of my life) i was angry as hell but they weren't having any of that and soon we were laughing, crying, praying. i can't say that did the trick but i told my friends all that i was feeling about being alone, wanting to isolate myself they respected that and said they would give me my space but if it went on too long, they would come and kick the door in once more.

i still go thru periods like that, where i just want to be alone and by expressing this to the people i love, their more understanding of my moods. whenever it seams like its starting to get bad, DH takes me to the park and i feed the ducks ( i love ducks, dont know why!) and you know, sometimes i just don't want to go home!

i hope i was helpful. talk to your friends and family and significant other. definately talk to your tdoc and/or pdoc. it can pass but you really have to work on it. wanting to be alone, theres nothing wrong with that....sometimes, but it becomes a problem when others start to worry. take care of yourself and many blessings and positive thoughts to you.

valerie

Avatar for missyflanders
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 3:55pm

I feel your pain. I am desperate for some time to be alone. Dh has been working a ton and I have been left alone with the kiddos and extra kiddos. I am grumpy and just want to hide alone in my bedroom. Just wanted you to know you are not alone. Hope it passes quickly for both of us.

Missy

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 7:27pm

Your friends come over without calling first?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 9:28pm

Amen and Ditto! are you a Scorpio? my girlfriends DO NOT do that often, i have a rather nasty mouth. can you say sailor on the docks? lol! hung around alot of boys, my dad and my dads friends when i was young. i've always preferred the company of men. DH HATES it!!! LMAO!!

valerie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 9:50pm

Thanks so much to you all for the input...it's good to hear that I'm not alone in this. I wasn't sure if I was even depressed, just irritated! I guess part of it could be that I started a new job this week and have to be semi-social for most of the day...so I just need a break by the end!

I did end up declining all invitations for yesterday and today...for the somewhat valid excuse of having a bad headache...I just don't know how to come out and be honest about this problem without offending anyone too badly. Morgaine, I know you're right that we do have to cultivate that support system...so I know I shouldn't permanently damage mine.

But by the end of today, I do feel more "recharged" and less annoyed...actually, my irritated energy seems to have morphed just today into quite a happy energy, which is wonderful (but weird), since it's been so long since I've experienced that. I'm going to try to end this post soon so I don't embarrass myself with hyperness! (just had to drag myself off the treadmill after an hour...and still raring to go...what on earth?!).

OK, sorry...thanks again...it was really such a relief to hear that others had gone through this too...

Rose

Edit: Uh oh, I just answered the phone, and it was my friend asking me to go out in a few hours...I said OK...but I'm not so sure I can act normally...although at least he is my closest friend and was there for me through the ECT, so I guess it's OK...?




Edited 6/11/2005 10:07 pm ET ET by rosa444
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 5:41pm

Rose,


Even when I am in the best of moods and would welcome company (and before my house became such a disaster that I won't let anyone in)--I DETEST drop-ins!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2005
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 11:32pm

Rose,


You need hugs. I know that you don't want them and just want to be left alone but it seems your depression is overwhelming the person that you are. I have Bipolar and when I am depressed, I want to be left alone, sometime for days and sometimes for months. I sleep, overeat, shower and sleep. This go around I have needed to be alone for 3 months. My daily and social life has almost been nonexistent during that time. Believe it or not, getting up and just getting out of the house (even if it's alone) will help. Make sure you take your meds and make yourself go out of the house, you'll build up some energy and will then begin feeling like being around others.


OG

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 12:31pm

Hello there...I just wanted to welcome you to the board.