Not a good week

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Not a good week
1
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 12:46pm

I have been so depressed for over a week but it is getting worse. I keep questioning everything in my life and feeling like things aren't right. I am questioning my bf's financial stability and I am thinking of moving in with him. I really want to be with him. I think I am going to let him move in his new home and then wait for a few months and see how he handles it financially before I make a move like that. It actually makes me sad of the thought that he wouldn't be able to care for us properly. Maybe I am over reacting. He is having his brother move in with him to help with expenses.

I am questioning if I am a good mother. My dd spends alot of time alone. I am either at my bf's for the weekend or at my moms who lives right around the corner...walking distance. I just hate being home alot. My dd spends time with her friends and with my mom. My mom says I shouldn't feel guilty but for some reason I carry alot of guilt around about so much. I am sick of this guilt and I can't seem to let it go.
I also feel bad that I can't work. I wish I could except I have this disability with BP and wish I could love myself but it is so hard. I have always had great expectations of myself and I haven't really lived up to much of them.

I am sick of my weight and feel like a fat ugly pig. I don't do much to help my weight problem and I need to join the gym and I haven't done that yet. Sometimes just the thought of exercising makes me tired before I do it, so, I don't do it. But then I am still left feeling bad about my weight. I have no motivation. I am just talk. I want to put action to it. Why can't I love myself enough to take care of myself?

I am depressed about all this and can't seem to shake it.

Love you all,

Tina~

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 1:13pm

I'm in the same spot you are in with your weight honey!