I'm here. I went to camp last weekend and have been working. My time has been gone.
I've spent a couple weeks on the upswing but I'm doing some sort of new unknown dance around it. I'm confused. It's been the longest 5 weeks of my life but one more and I finally get in to see my pdoc for my 2 week follow up.
Right now I've found (actually it's been AWHILE) that my typing sucks. I have to think about everything I type and it is so slow and fulll of typos. This is especially weird for being manic, well maybe not the typos haha.
My coordination and balance are off and i have tremors (the is probabaly from the meds and I just didn't realize that's when it started. How perceptive of me).
Well I'm trying to get this out as quickly as possible because I"m pretty scrambled. You should have seen me at other times the last few weeks. My hands won't cooperate though ah well.
Got in trouble at work for not getting along with coworkers "snapping" at them again. Grr. I don't care it seems my boss has been very impatient with me lately. Since my OD he's been walking on eggshells but his patience is wearing thin it seems. Whatever. I don't care. I'm goint to teach or do investigations and make more money. Or screw it. I don't need to work. Then I can get the straight A's that I know I can and the rest of the world just doesn't get it.
My friend was loving me a couple of weeks ago. He picked me up at midnight at work and we stayed out all night and I was supposedly a lot of fun. Haha Ya cheerleading in parking lots two towns over, dancing on the edge of the mountain not reeally a mountain but that's what we call it. it's the escarpment. I'm afraid of heights but hey I"m invincible when I'm manic. Laughing and laughing. Spinning lots of spinning.
Point to this? Unknown.
I guess I really haven't been updating like I used. In many months acutally.
Meds may change (probably will) when I see pdoc. I really don't want to stop taking all my meds. That's a scary thought. I don't know. At the same time I'm back to thinking I'm normal and that I'm not bipolar. She's right, there's nothing wrong with me. I don't know she's never seen me that up.
Is it normal to fluctuate while in a phase? Like I'm not the same level of mania all day every day durning that phase. I don't know. It's probably not bipolar. I'm just weird, eccentric, borderline personality could account for it. My family doc said that the mania and psychosis can both be part of BPD. I have been dx'd that and for the most part I don't doubt that.
I don't know what I've written but I really feel like I need to hear from somebody. So I hope I do. Maybe someone can sort through this, because I can't make sense of what's in my head. Hopefully I was able to keep this in a logical order. At least I'm only half as manic as I was when I went out with that friend and even then that's not my peak. I knew then that i would get worse. I was so aware of my illness then. I knew that I would start tweaking out on sounds and sights and get all paranoid and everything would become too much. That's when it sucks. Other than that I don't mind this mania at all.
If this isn't working then I can't be bipolar. There is no way that I can be on a mood stabilizer and be bipolar unless it's working. I think that's what my tdoc thinks. I'm not sure who was saying something about that. Now my coworker even thinks she knows what's best, asking me why I'm on an AD. Doesn't that make things worse? Yes miss know it all but if yo'd done some real research you would see that's what the MS is for.
Oh boy I've gone on again when I was trying to sign out.
Good night (morning)
Love you both! (and anyone else who is reading...and FEEL FREE to write back). I like getting responses :D
Amanda
Oh, Beth, I've done some more "art" not so much art like the others I will put them up on my photobucket page soon. User Amethyst_jean password abyss
Reading over my post again, I would tend to label that (at least a little) manic. (Wouldn't you?) My pdoc hasn't seen me that high I think. (I see her very sporadically). :(
Ah well. *trying to straighten my head out*
Time to head over to the SI board. Unfortunately, my mania has taken an irritable and destructive turn.
What Beth said!
Thanks ((((Beth)))) and ((((Keli))))
I'm here. I went to camp last weekend and have been working. My time has been gone.
I've spent a couple weeks on the upswing but I'm doing some sort of new unknown dance around it. I'm confused. It's been the longest 5 weeks of my life but one more and I finally get in to see my pdoc for my 2 week follow up.
Right now I've found (actually it's been AWHILE) that my typing sucks. I have to think about everything I type and it is so slow and fulll of typos. This is especially weird for being manic, well maybe not the typos haha.
My coordination and balance are off and i have tremors (the is probabaly from the meds and I just didn't realize that's when it started. How perceptive of me).
Well I'm trying to get this out as quickly as possible because I"m pretty scrambled. You should have seen me at other times the last few weeks. My hands won't cooperate though ah well.
Got in trouble at work for not getting along with coworkers "snapping" at them again. Grr. I don't care it seems my boss has been very impatient with me lately. Since my OD he's been walking on eggshells but his patience is wearing thin it seems. Whatever. I don't care. I'm goint to teach or do investigations and make more money. Or screw it. I don't need to work. Then I can get the straight A's that I know I can and the rest of the world just doesn't get it.
My friend was loving me a couple of weeks ago. He picked me up at midnight at work and we stayed out all night and I was supposedly a lot of fun. Haha Ya cheerleading in parking lots two towns over, dancing on the edge of the mountain not reeally a mountain but that's what we call it. it's the escarpment. I'm afraid of heights but hey I"m invincible when I'm manic. Laughing and laughing. Spinning lots of spinning.
Point to this? Unknown.
I guess I really haven't been updating like I used. In many months acutally.
Meds may change (probably will) when I see pdoc. I really don't want to stop taking all my meds. That's a scary thought. I don't know. At the same time I'm back to thinking I'm normal and that I'm not bipolar. She's right, there's nothing wrong with me. I don't know she's never seen me that up.
Is it normal to fluctuate while in a phase? Like I'm not the same level of mania all day every day durning that phase. I don't know. It's probably not bipolar. I'm just weird, eccentric, borderline personality could account for it. My family doc said that the mania and psychosis can both be part of BPD. I have been dx'd that and for the most part I don't doubt that.
I don't know what I've written but I really feel like I need to hear from somebody. So I hope I do. Maybe someone can sort through this, because I can't make sense of what's in my head. Hopefully I was able to keep this in a logical order. At least I'm only half as manic as I was when I went out with that friend and even then that's not my peak. I knew then that i would get worse. I was so aware of my illness then. I knew that I would start tweaking out on sounds and sights and get all paranoid and everything would become too much. That's when it sucks. Other than that I don't mind this mania at all.
If this isn't working then I can't be bipolar. There is no way that I can be on a mood stabilizer and be bipolar unless it's working. I think that's what my tdoc thinks. I'm not sure who was saying something about that. Now my coworker even thinks she knows what's best, asking me why I'm on an AD. Doesn't that make things worse? Yes miss know it all but if yo'd done some real research you would see that's what the MS is for.
Oh boy I've gone on again when I was trying to sign out.
Good night (morning)
Love you both! (and anyone else who is reading...and FEEL FREE to write back). I like getting responses :D
Amanda
Oh, Beth, I've done some more "art" not so much art like the others I will put them up on my photobucket page soon. User Amethyst_jean password abyss
Amanda,
I struggle with the "diagnosis" as well.
Thanks (((Morgaine)))
Reading over my post again, I would tend to label that (at least a little) manic. (Wouldn't you?) My pdoc hasn't seen me that high I think. (I see her very sporadically).
:(
Ah well. *trying to straighten my head out*
Time to head over to the SI board. Unfortunately, my mania has taken an irritable and destructive turn.
Amanda