The dark side of me...Trigs!
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The dark side of me...Trigs!
| Thu, 06-16-2005 - 7:08am |
Sorry to be so depressing but I have to get something off my chest. Lately I've started to see a dark side of me that is driving me nuts. I've been feeling very morose, and depressed. I've also been having nasssty anger fits that I can't control everywhere, home, work, even at having to wait in line at my tdocs office. I've been slamming stuff around here at work. I fly into a rage if a pencil falls off my desk and I'll grab it up and throw it across my desk. My co-workers are avoiding me, my supervisor is getting annoyed. I have recently began banging my hands and arms into walls to control the anger. I am having strong urges to run my car off the road into a tree. Every time I see a big tree I'll think, "that one would be perfect". Yesterday I went home in an anger fit and took 6 Trileptal all at once in a desperate desire to try to calm myself. I even considered taking the whole bottle and there was nearly 90 in it. My poor DH has to put up with a lot from me! I feel guilty for feeling this way. The only thing that helps me feel better is hurting myself, sleeping, or eating. Neither is a good way to deal with my turbulent emotions and all are only temporary "fixes". I sure wish there was some way I could just wake up as a different person. I hate the one I've become.
OK, I'll quit feeling sorry for myself now!
Thanks for letting me vent.
Jodie
OK, I'll quit feeling sorry for myself now!
Thanks for letting me vent.
Jodie

(((Hugs))))...Have you called your pdoc? It sounds like you need some different medications and soon. Please call as soon as you can and explain exactly whats going on to her. You are loved and they do not want to see you hurting or hurting yourself.
Missy
Jodie...you REALLY MUST call your pdoc.