Ok, getting a little weird now...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Ok, getting a little weird now...
6
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 9:29pm

I would imagine if you've read my recent posts you'll see I'm on quite the philosophical bent at the moment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 10:05pm

((((morgaine))))


i can totally relate to how you feel right now. while i haven't remarried since xdh, i remember feeling the exact way you describe. wanting to see him get his so to speak. i don't know how long you've been divorced from him or how long you have been married to your dh, but i know after 3 tdocs in as many years, i finally learned how to let go a bit. yeah, i still wanted to see him get what he had coming and couldn't wait. the story was the same - it was all my fault, he was perfect, etc. in time, i don't know if it was for the sake of the kids or what, we eventually buried the hatchet (not in each other though) ;) when the time did come for him to get his, i actually felt bad for him. not bad enough to say "oh come back home honey" way too much damage had been done by that point. but, somehow the joyous feeling i once dreamed of had subsided.


i don't know a lot of the circumstances about your divorce, but from the sounds of it, you did the right thing by getting out of it. i wish i could tell you a magic solution, but all i can offer is make the most of your relationship with your dh and cherish that. sounds corny and simple, but it's the best i've got.


hope this helps some.


hugs,


traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 2:23pm

Morgaine,

It sounds like your XH and my XH must be dopplegangers. I am now happily remarried (5 years next month!) to a wonderful man who is a true angel, but I still wish bad things upon my XH.

I was (and still am, seven years since I've seen him...) so angry at that man for being such a jerk. He is completely egocentric and pretty much poison to every relationship in his life. He made me feel like I was nuts, when I now know that I am the sane one compared to him. I am the one who is responsible and holds down a good job, takes care of all my obligations, and doesn't use people for my own ends...

My XH messed with my head so much, that after leaving him was when I ended up getting diagnosed as BP (although my tdoc said it was more like a PTSD episode that just led to the later BP diagnosis because I sought help)

From your posts I can tell that you are a very intelligent person. Your XH was probably just a lapse in judgment (and we all have them)... at least that is the way I rationalize my marriage to XH... a terrible lapse in normally very good judgment...

If he's anything like my XH, contacting him will only make him think you miss him... Probably it's best if you just wish hateful things upon him from afar... LOL!

I don't mean to give advice, just BTDT and have been proud of myself for being able to keep my distance and forget him for the most part.

Catherine

Catherine

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 7:15pm

WoW! i feel so bad for you, i hate when friends of mine are hurting! i really don't know what to say but one thing i did notice from your discription of XDH is that he was extremely jealous of you and tried to tear you down because of that. your an intelligent woman and not too many men can handle that. in order to give themselves a better sense of self worth. is the woman he married stupid? or eye candy? i just don't want to say the wrong thing to you!

maybe there is some other way to transfer all that aggression onto something else. do you paint,cook,excerise,make voodoo dolls? i swear i don't mean to joke but someone once told me to make a representation of whatever your angry at, and beat the livin' crap out of it.

you are always in my prayers Morgaine and i swear to you i will be diligent in prayers to the higher power. i hope you feel better soon. just give me a shout and i'll be here.

love and hugs,
valerie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 8:37pm

Thanks Traci.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 8:43pm

Catherine,


I was diagnosed with PTSD also.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 9:05pm

Voodoo Dolls!