I am so depressed (con't)(triggers)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2004
I am so depressed (con't)(triggers)
3
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 3:27pm

Well like I said he is supposed to only have band practice Tues,Wed. and Saturday. So when I asked him to stay home today he said well okay earlier that day. Then when we where at my moms, Edd the person who putted the band together calls. He shows me he called. This guy can't stop calling he calls everyday, reguardless if we are spending it with family. DH's family came from out of town Edd calls. I had to put a stop of him calling after 10 p.m. So when we get in the house Gerrone asks me if it is okay if he goes tonight if they are recording. I told him no because it is bad enough he is doing this three times a week. But being pregnant, and a little girl who will be 2 on the 26th is really hard and I like that break when he gets home from work. Then that is when I went off, I said I know you aren't stupid because he is really smart but he just doesn't care and is putting this band crap a head of his family. Then he said he is doing this for us to make extra money. WTF?? he isn't getting any money, they honestly suck, yes Gerrone can sing really well but the instrumental sucks. OH and I get blamed for being jealous of Edd??? So then I don't even remember how the arguement ended but I told him to leave. So he left and went on a drinking binge. He didn't come back until this morning (when he does this he falls asleep on benches and things) he also left around 11 pm. So when he came home he called off of work. So he keeps saying hope I don't get fired like he is blaming me. So I ended up going to the doctors all red faced and crying. So our doctor called DH and told him about his self. ALso I think he was reading what I said on here and read some other enteries. Now he is being all nice, cancelled band practice and we are ordering dinner in (may favorite thing to do).

I still feel depressed because how can he be so mean to me than be so nice a few hours later? He said we can't be together until I am back on meds. I just don't understand. How can he do a major flip?

Melissa........

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Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 10:23am

(((Melissa)))

Ugh, I don't know what to say, but I wanted to know that I'm thinking of you and sending positive vibes.

Hugs,
Amanda

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2001
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 4:30pm

Hugs to you. Your H is being a boy at the moment, not a man. Set him straight and tell him what was agreed and that he is a father and needs to behave like one. His first responsibility is to his family and the welfare of his family. The band is something he can enjoy as a hobby, but his priority should be his family first. Missing work and the chance of losing that income to something that is not making money is just not acceptable.

I would lay law down to him in your best teacher voice - shouting never works with men. I would say it like this:

Sweetheart I understand that you enjoy the band and in the future there could be money to be made. At the moment that isn't the case and your first priority is your family. If this band starts to risk your employment then the band has to go till the time comes that you can fit them both in your schedule. You have another child on the way, and at this moment in time you are not acting like the responsible father you need to be. How it is at the moment cannot continue. Your friends can only call till this hour_____. You need to realize your family needs you at this time more than the band, and if you cannot put your family first then we need to rethink this situation.

Then walk away. If it doesn't help to make him realise he needs to take responsibility then I woudl suggest counceling. Your H is acting like an immature a**. Point blank. He madde a committment when he married you, and he made a committment to his children when he got you pregnant.If it was me, I wouldn't be as nice and the band would definitely not be happening. He's lucky to have you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2004
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 9:08pm

I wasn't so nice. *sigh* I just gave him a choice his family and me or the band. I wish I read this before lol.

I feel bad now. But in a way I don't. You are right he has responsiblities.

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