new here (poss triggers)

Avatar for littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
new here (poss triggers)
5
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 5:37pm
Hi all, I am new here and hope I can join in. I have been seeing a tdoc or pdoc since I was 19, I am now 35. I didn't get a real dx of BP until I was about 26, and the pdoc didn't put me on meds because as she said "just because yoour bipolar doesn't mean you need meds!" even though I was suicidal and depressed at the time and had a brother who is also BP. Anyway, I didn't really want more meds (I had previously been on Prozac and trilafon, horrible!) Eventually things got to a real crisis point and I needed emergency care. I finally have ended up with a really excellent pdoc that I adore, and am currently on Abilify, klonopin and depakote (I've also tried seroquel, valium, wellbutrin, trazadone, topamax, lexapro, risperdal, restoril, gabitril and sonata...and I think that's all, it's enough anyway to let you know!)
My issue now is summers are notoriously bad for me and I feel like I am sliding and I get SO scared. I have 3 kids and it's hard to take care of them when I feel like this. I just want to curl up in bed and cry all day. And no one it seems understands, not even my family. Anyway, I am not trying to be a downer on my first post here (I may have posted a LONG time ago, I don't recall) but I just feel like I need some support by people who get it, and maybe I can offer some too. Thanks!

littlemascara
Avatar for missyflanders
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 5:49pm

I UNDERSTAND. Since my oldest two are out of school and my youngest is two, I too feel completely overwhelmed. They fight and are needy and sometimes I just don't have it in me. My meds were increased today (abilify and effexor) and I really hope it works. Normally, I enjoy summer, at least the weather, but I understand the need/want to be just left alone.

Glad you are joining us and hope you continue to post.

Missy - 30 yo SAHM to 3 boys - 10yo, 4yo and 2 yo.
DX in Feb. 2005

 
 
Avatar for littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 6:05pm
thanks for your post! My kids are 10, 8 and 6 and summer is a love/hate thing with me for So many reasons. I like that at least if I am having a really off day I don't have to drive to school and pick them up (sometimes that's all the energy I have). On the other hand, they can really drive me nuts with whining and "boredom." We try to hit the pool a lot, but I hate being there alone too. I tend to have bad episodes in the summer, as does my brother...in fact last summer I needed to go to hospital, but he was already at the one I go to! And i didn't want to be there with him. I ended up at another one and it was a really horrible experience, one I hope to never repeat. Looking back we laugh we could have our own family ward in July, but it's not funny when it happens. I use humor to cope a lot, so I hope that doesn't offend anyone. :)

littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 6:14pm

I'm glad you found us!

Avatar for littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 6:23pm
thanks for the welcome! I am back to weekly visits with my pdoc, and we usually have 45 min sessions, so a tdoc would be redundant for me. I am lucky he does psychotherapy as well and not just meds because I like him so well as a DR and a person. I've had the summer episodes since before I had kids, and my brother too, so I think we are wired this way, LOL. Not that the kids can't be an extra trigger for me. At least now I know what to look for and my coping skills have improved GREATLY thanks to pdoc. So far abilify has been really good for me, and for the first time in years I don't also have insomnia or other sleeping disorders! Already this board has made me feel better today! :) Thanks!

littlemascara
Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 1:33pm

welcome!

I hope you aren't sliding. For me winters are the worst. I hate the dark and cold so that doesn't help my mood. The lack of sunlight doesn't help either i bet. But then again I don't have kids out of school that i have to take care of.

hugs,
Amanda

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