advice pls: dealing with bipolar ds 22yo

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2005
advice pls: dealing with bipolar ds 22yo
11
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 9:18pm

our son was just dx'd with bipolar disorder. A result of the pressures of completing his graduation requirements and experiencing the end-of-college life etc. No doubt the realization of adapting to life with dw and myself and/or the daunting task of doing 'for real' stuff like job/career.

he was dx'd just after Graduation 6 weeks ago, there was 2 weeks of no sleep/manic and hypomanic activity, about 2 weeks of hospitalization, and since then he sees a Pdoc and licsw/counselor weekly. DW and myself are scheduled to talk to counselor this week. He is on meds, depakote, a BP med, a sedative to help him sleep, and I know not lithium.

Of course I am not pushing him to get a resume out, and who really knows how long it will take for him to settle out with respect to meds . But in the mean-time.....

How should we deal with him when his behavior, though not horrrible/illegal/immoral, is still manic? I dont know if I should tell him to wait a bit, confront him when I dont think certain things are prudent/logical, or just smile through clenched teeth?

Some things are clearly contradictory to what I deem acceptable in my house. He is basically running his mouth and making an ass of himself. It may hurt him when he is ready to enter the community as a true independent adult, because at this point is by no means capable of living successfully on his own.

Thanks in advance.

ls

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Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 10:15pm

I don't know what to tell you, but welcome to the board. I had to let you know that I did read your post. I am in the situation your son is in pretty much so I'm the least qualified to give advice on it. I am 24 just graduated and new to the med/pdoc/tdoc stuff (at least for bp).

Welcome,
Amanda

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 12:35am

ls,


Welcome to the board, I'm glad you found us although I wish you didn't need to.

Avatar for littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 5:31am
Welcome, I agree with Marci. Learn all you can, talk with the the docs as you might be better at telling then how he behaves than he does and just be supportive. He may need adjustments and changes in meds for a while until you find the right combo. My brother is also BP and sometimes I just cringe when I think about how my parents, meaning well of course mind you, tried to "reason" him out of his thoughts and feelings when that just wasn't possible given his mental state! Right now just be supportive, loving and keep him safe. Welcome to the board and good luck!

littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 12:40pm

Hi and welcome!


Marci is right on the money.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2005
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 9:49pm

Thanks to all for your comments and suggestions.

The 'dont try to reason with him' comment really hit home ! Such a dilemma when in his mind what he says must make perfect sense (especially when he omits/denies/ignores significant facts!). Too many times, his justfication for thinking or doing something, is that 'its just me' . But I'm guessing we will have to learn a new way to parent. I'll be listening!

Oh, if anyone knows of a chat for BPD and/or families of a Bipolar person...

thanks again,

lslipper

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 11:22pm

I'm not aware of any specific BP family groups, but there is the Families & Mental Illness board here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2005
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 11:47pm

ahem

Marci,

quoth my original post: " dw and I .... "

means that I am not a ... gal. ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 3:12pm

Oops, sorry I have a tendancy to miss little details like that-LOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 9:51pm

Just a quick comment as one who has experienced the lunacy of BP and had the good fortune to marry a 3rd DH who is very rational and can deal with it (sometimes by the skin of his teeth).

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2005
Fri, 07-01-2005 - 8:26am

Morgaine,

Excellent advice. Some of your ideas and observations we are trying and seeing, and you have offered a bunch more that we can try.

Your DH should be commended. My wife and I are trying hard to keep our cool, put the nasty barbs aside, and separate our son 'the person' from his 'intense behavior' because we do indeed see a quick de-escalation when we can catch ourselves. Luckily our son seems to see this too, as he will run out of the house screaming at us and 15minutes later he'll return and we are on to actually working on solutions to the problem that caused all the ruckus. If we add your husband's 'diffusion' technique then that should help tremendously. That's why he's called a Peace Officer, right?.

We have also learned that we have to detail with him what is expected of him over the next 24 hours. We are doing more lists (we start the list, give it to him, and he adds what he needs. I'm considering keeping a copy for myself so he doesnt 'lose' the list and claim that he was never told about the errand/task that we verbally reminded him about like 6 times earlier for example.

The challenge for DW and myself is to not antagonize DS. But we have to remind him more often that we are here to help him be the truly independent adult that he certainly can be. No one wants to watch him excel (and stumble) from the sidelines more than his mother and me.

Thanks again,

lslipper2929

(for the record, I am a late 40's male.
dw and I have a 22yo DS w/ BPD)

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