*Triggers* Nervous about a man
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| Thu, 06-30-2005 - 11:26am |
Okay....most of you know about what I've gone through the past 12 years and am still letting get to me. BUT....there is a man here at work (a police man, not a guard a State Cop), no ring (doesn't always mean not married), smiles, talks to me. OMG, just plain cute. Tall, dark and handsome really does describe him. Well...I've got a HUGE knot in my throat and I can't breath. My hands are sweating for goodness sake. I've never been like this in my entire life. I usually would be outspoken and go for what I wanted, but I had confidence then and I usually got it. I'm not being cocky, I really didn't have high standards then, X is a prime example of that, sure he was/is hot but look what he turned out to be. But, I can't seem to even look at him (the cutie cop here). I speak and my eyes dart away. I went down the hall something like 12 times yesterday when I could have easily cut through the courtyard to get to my destination. I did have to make those trips because my office is in a diffent place than my department is. I'm literally going through a panic attack. I want to ask if he's involved, maybe even ask him up for dinner but I can't even bring myself to ask his freakin' name how can I do that. I need some major encouragement here. The man hasn't even reported to duty yet and I'm a mess. I actually put my makeup on nicely today, wore some lipstick that doesn't wipe off. I tried my darndest to look cute. I just need to know how or what to say to him. I could ask his friend if he's involved but then if he is I'm terrified of being rejected or worse yet, laughed at. I'm sure they wouldn't laugh, but I know men and he surely would be picked on for someone have a crush on him, and boy do I ever. I can't even get close enough to see his nametag. When I look at him I see his smile and his eyes. I'm infatuated and it feels so nice to be this way. I really would like to have a date with him, and my g/f here says if I don't make that step (she wants to ask him for me but I don't want to come off as a child ya know). I don't know what to do. Will my nerves calm when i find out? I'm not sure. I know one thing, I won't give up until I know. LOL
I need yall.......please?
Hugs and Hope
Carla

Thank you. He's not new, I don't guess, he's new to me though. =o) He works as a State Policeman here on the Capitol grounds. I have so many things I could say to him but am so darn scared of rejection (because x made me feel not worthy of anyone but him, made me feel like trash actually).
I'm so scared, they work in groups of three at his post (at the door) and I'm just too scared to go up to him, I've yet to see him alone. BUT...everytime I see him he smiles this big toothy white smile and speaks. I know he's only being nice, he really hasn't flirted, neither have I for that matter, not really. I guess I just think I'm not worthy of attention, dam* that x of mine. But tdoc says making that step is a good sign, what I mean is even if I'm terrified, which I am, if I'm interested and looking that is a good sign. I know x never loved me, so why do I believe the words he said? Don't know, wish I did. GRRRRRRRR The knot is getting bigger in my throat. I'm so infatuated I've dreamt of this man. Why can't the old Carla surface and go up to him, give him that look and just plainly ask him if he's involved? Geez, she's in there somewhere.
Another part of me KNOWS how the State Cops get hit on. I've been a witness to this and it ain't pretty. I guess it is that man in a uniform for the other woman, but his smile had me the first time he looked at me. I couldn't even tell you what color his eyes are except dreamy...is that a color. LOL =o)
Okay...gotta mustar up the gumption to get over there and speak. I look pretty good today if I may say so myself, a friend said my eyes look sexy and mysterious. OMG...me sexy, doubtful, but thankful he said that. Of course the friend who said that is like a family member to me, so.....there goes those fears of doubt again.
Hugs & Hope
Carla
Carla
I know approaching someone like that is one of the hardest things to do! It is awful. Just remember, what is the ABSOLUTE worst thing that could happen? Really? It's unlikely that anyone will laugh at you. People typically aren't mean like that. I would guess that the VERY worst that would happen is that he would say one of several things. 1. he is involved (in which case that is NOT anything negative against you), 2. he isn't interested (again, nothing bad against you, just that you aren't his type), 3. he is busy but maybe another time (positive response!), or 4. yes.
Even if his co-workers are insane freaks and they start laughing like hyenas when you talk to him, what damage does that REALLY do you? None. It could hurt your feelings, but I wouldn't let it. It is THEIR issue. Not yours.
If you are that attracted to this man, by all means ask him out. If he says no, think of it like a job interview - rehearsal for the next time you meet someone. If he says yes, remember to take it slow and let things progress at an easy pace.
Good luck!
Tracey
Oh Girlfriend you got it BAD!
Hugs & Hope
Carla
Well......I was all ready to go up to him, motion for him to come over to me, anything and he wasn't there. Three older men were, not the normal morning guys either. Must be his day off or he was posted somewhere else on campus. Dog gone it. I had the nerve and now it blew up. Tomorrow I'm wearing something nice, well as nice as I can find in my closet anyway. LOL I won't give up trying as long as I have air in my lungs!!!! I truly think for me the only way I can get over X and move on is to have another male interest. Whether it goes somewhere or we just hang out. Sex and the City had that episode on TNT the other night when Carrie couldn't get over Big. I was scared when I thought Charlotte had a point that it takes us exactly 1/2 the time we were with someone to get past the hurt. I can't wait 6 years, nor would I. I'm only 36, I need to live and find someone to enjoy life with. If the cop is the man then fine, if not, I tried.
Thank you all so much for helping me through this. I'm fine now, but who is to say if he is out there tomorrow I won't still be the nervous nanny I was today just thinking of speaking to him. LOL, I got it bad yall.......real bad. =o) It's refreshing that I'm not brooding over X. Actually X doesn't even deserve the power my brain has been using on him.
Hugs & Hope, I'm going home. Til tomorrow.
Carla