Having bad week....BIG TRIGGERS
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| Thu, 06-30-2005 - 11:51pm |
The following probably has big triggers.
I am having a terrible week. It started Saturday when Dillards called (at 8:30 a.m.) to tell me that my payment was late. My husband intercepted the call and proceeded to throw a huge fit that I had a Dillards card. He then proceeded to go through my wallet and sent all my credit cards down the shredder. He has taken the checkbook away and is going to the bank EVERY day getting a printout of the checking and savings accounts. He's raising hell about money, but doesn't want me to get a job. (my son is 10 and he doesn't want him to be a latchkey kid).
We have been married 16 years last week (he as usual forgot our anniversary). While he doesn't want a divorce, our marriage has really been over for a long time. He has sexual difficulties (of course it's all my fault - everything's my fault), and refuses to take Levitra as it gives him a headache. He had the nerve to tell me that it's just not worth a headache.
My parents have money but my dad is wanting to retire in December and told me tonight that since I'm 37 I need to figure out what to do on my own. I do not have a college degree as I worked and put my husband through school, so it would be extremely difficult for me to live on my own. I don't want my son having it hard.
Living with my parents is NOT an option. They live 3 hours away and I literally would lose what little I have of my mind left if I were to live with them.
If you made it this far, bless you. I'm frustrated and just don't know what to do. Thanks for letting me vent.

(((((Cheri)))))
Okay, I have to ask, are you like so many of us, a shop-a-holic and let things get out of control?
(((((Cheri)))))
First, I'm sorry you are being treated like this. Secondly, he sounds like my X. If you are not a shopper when manic, get the H out of there. My X started by doing things like that. This to me sounds like financial and emotional abuse. Saying that a headache wasn't worth sharing love with you really pi$$es me off to no end. He should be taking it and loving you if you want it, not bickering about it. I'm sure he has good points, you have been with him for years, but you can do it on your own. Spousal support, and child support will help until you can get a job. I personally do not have a college degree and waited tables for 12 years until I got a good government job. Yeah, I live pay to pay and sometimes don't get that far, but I'm free of him.
I probably overstepped boundaries here, and if I did I'm sorry. I just worry about your safety.
Love, Hugs & Hope
Carla
PS....I seriously think he needs a therapist. He is treating you like you are his kid, and not his wife.....OKAY, I'll shut up now.
C
I don't have much advice for you that to get back up somehow (either on your own, with a doc, minister, etc) and take back control of your feelings. Don't let him bully you like that.. Take care of you and your son. I hope you can fix this marriage, it sounds like a lot of issues. I just wanted to let you know you were heard and we're here for you.
Let me see if I can answer some of your questions.
Yes, I see a tdoc and a pdoc. I believe this is what started a lot of his "fits". Through medication and therapy, I am not letting most of what he says to me bother me. So...he looks for things to control. While we are not intimate, he refuses to sleep in the other room. Things like this he does to "drive me crazy".
Yes, I have had manic shopping sprees in the past (hence the Dillards card among others). I think the removal of my checkbook, etc. is another form of control.
My therapist said that marriage counseling might have helped years ago, but in her opinion, I need out of the marriage, not find ways to stay in it.
Yes, my son knows what's going on. My husband says that he's a member of the family and needs to be in on our "discussions" of whether or not we stay married. My son is 10!! He has NO business sitting there while we are talking, yelling or otherwise.
Husband came home from church last night and asked if I was still mad. I told himm I'm not mad. I refuse to raise my voice, etc.
So...today I sit here fuming and trying to figure out what to do.
Thanks for all ya'lls help. I'm just down in the gutter and trying to figure out what I'll do next week - Husband is off on vacation next week - lucky me.