I'm so weird...Is it BP or what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
I'm so weird...Is it BP or what?
10
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 2:51pm
I think I have mentioned before that I live too much in a fantasy world. I pretend I am my character, something I have done since I as 9 or 10. It's a good escape for me since I gave up trying to make friends years and years ago. Unfortunately I tend to "act out" my scenarios. I look absolutely crazy doing it, but I can't help it. The people at work have noticed. I have tried hard to control my fantasy life at work but it still seeps out. I overheard two of my co-workers in the bathroom discussing it. "There's something WRONG with that girl" "she was deprived as a child". I just wanted to DIE. I wish my heart would stop, it's sure beating fast enough. My fantasy's are all I have left. You take them away and I have nothing. I guess I'm just tired of being strange, tired of trying to fit in, and tired of trying to come up with a solution. I guess there just isn't one.
Gloomy today. :(
Jodie

Jodie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 3:20pm

Jodie,
I don't think you're weird!!!!!!! I don't know if it is BP related or not. I daydream a TON!! Things like Elliott Sadler sees me and wants to date me, or like last night I played a scenario out in my head about the cute cop here at work. At home I usually answer myself and things, but I don't at work, I just stare into space, and I do that often. Is that what you are doing? I guess I'm not reading things well today, took two vistarils because of my nerves earlier.

HUGS & Hope
Carla

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 3:21pm

Jodie,


First of all, you aren't weird.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 3:38pm

Jodie,


We all daydream to one extent or another, some of it more grounded in reality than others, while others are just out and out fantasy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 3:39pm
I have. She showed no major concern. But yes, I do act out both sides of my fantasy life. My fantasy life is all I have left. They mentioned residental care but I don't get paid for it and would loose everything. I'm not sure what to do. I am actually BECOMING my character because I hate Jodie. That is definitely scary.

Jodie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 3:49pm

Jodie,

Would you consider this a multiple personality? Do you argue with the character. I think maybe you should tell your pdoc/tdoc all you've told us and tell them that the previous option is not an option for you and that you would like to find something else to help you. You do realize that it is still a character in your mind, that has to be a plus. I think I misunderstood your first post, because I daydream like it is going out of style to escape reality mostly, then on the other hand, because I know one day will come when my dreams will come true if I keep dreaming and pursue them.

Love, Hugs & Hope
Carla

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 3:50pm

Jodie,


I know that is totally scary for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 3:52pm
Actually I carry on two way conversations with my character (Christine) and I also pretend to be whoever she is talking with. My scenarios are very involved and extremely complex. I would rather be Christine than Jodie. I hope I don't actually morph into her though. That would be embarrassing! I know she is in my imagination but lately if she feels bad I feel bad. If she is happy, I am happy. I still feel so weird!

Jodie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 3:55pm
The only time I think I may have disassociated was finding all those pills in my purse a few weeks ago. I freaked out and gave them to my supervior. Another hospitalization.
You'd have to hear my life story (haha) to understand why I hate Jodie so much. Basically I am tired of being "different".
Going home now. I will check back tomorrow. Don't have internet access at home.
Thanks for all the responses guys. I really need them right now! Pain is taking over.

Jodie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 3:57pm
You are in no way shape or form weird. Like Keli said you have an illness, bp plays some tricks on us all.
Love, Hugs and Hope
Carla
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 4:28pm

Jodie,


I'm sorry that you hate Jodie so much.