Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Keli
12
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 9:23am

Morning! You feeling better and is back getting better??

I SO don't want to be at work!!!! Otherwise I am doing well. Confused as all get out, but well. He broke through most of the barriers I had up yesterday. Thankfully, I am still fairly convinced that this is not going anywhere and it isn't worth getting excited over...but he seems to be doing everything in his power to prove me wrong. I told him last night that I will believe it when I have the flight number he comes in on. Until then, I dont expect to see him. He could ABSOLUTELY see the difference in me last night, but didn't get upset about it or snippy (you KNOW how they get). I was still friendly and talked to him mostly the same so he just asked if I slept ok the night before and if I felt ok and crud like that. Creep, hate when they get sweet like that. LOL! Anyway, I have no idea what is going on to be honest. I know what I want, and I know what I will probably get so I am just going to try and keep a few walls up.

You dealing ok with the whole Chris thing?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: th305899
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 9:31am

Hey you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: th305899
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 9:43am

There is NOTHING wrong with you. It's the whole "even if I don't have him, no one else can either" thing we have going on. Look at me with the loser realtor I dated. I couldn't WAIT to get rid of him...until I found out he was getting married. Then I was devestated LOL! Plus, there is that forbidden fruit appeal!

Yeah, Mike can put a serious hurt on me if I am not careful...probably will anyway LOL! I can't let myself think anything beyond him not coming to visit at all ever because I have it in my mind (his fault too!!!!) that if he comes up here to see me NEITHER of us is going to want him to leave. Although, we did talk about that last night - I told him I'll be dragging his butt out of bed 4 hours before his flight and he'll be whining he wants to stay. He replied "probably" LOL! We know better though, I'll probably be sobbing so hard that I can't see straight to drive. BUT! I don't have to worry about it unless he actually goes through with buying a plane ticket (claimed he was calling about one today - but I think he was kidding).

Glad you are feeling better. Make sure you are taking your meds!!!! A little manicky is ok, but it slips into full blown manic attack WWWAAAYYY too easily. I'm glad you are wearing makeup again. I suppose I should start again. Blah LOL!

Ok - well back to work for now :( TTYL!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: th305899
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 12:09pm

I am so glad its Friday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: th305899
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 12:47pm

...and now I'm depressed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: th305899
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 1:13pm

First of all, you are not going home to NOTHING. You are going home to a HOME where you live with a husband that loves you dearly and a son that overall is pretty dang good. You have parents that care deeply for you, and many good friends - especially me . Yes, you've put on some weight. Do you need a crane to lift you out of bed? No. Are you still able to breath without oxygen? Yes. Can you work and function in normal society. YES. So you are still incredibly awesome!

So Chris got married. Big dang deal. You've had a connection with him for 20+ years. So what. Where was the connection going? No Where. You haven't really lost anything. Yes, he has become unavailable in the romantic sense....but so are you.

Get back up to the 900mgs of the lithium...it will help with the depression a bit...mine does. The wellbutrin will start to kick in before too long and that will help too. Before you know it you will feel great again.

The hard thing is that you AREN'T going to be the wild crazy Keli you were when you were manic all the time. I know you miss her, and I miss Manic Tracey too, but it just is NOT worth it. Having said that, I'll tell ya that last week when I went to see friends of mine and relaxed I had almost as much fun as when I was the life of the party. Granted, I was on the sidelines and didn't get as much attention as I was use to, but it was still nice. You NEED to find something to get involved in outside of your house. Look into joining that reading group at the library - something like that. I am going to start making it to the pool hall at LEAST 2x a month. Just so I can get out. Now you need something.

Hang in there hun, you'll be good!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: th305899
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 1:30pm

Know what's funny?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: th305899
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 1:37pm

See! Not only are you awesome, you already know the answers! You just need someone to pull the tape off your eyes (quite putting it there silly!).

Yeah, you hide at your parent's and I hide in my apartment. We both have to keep working on getting out and living. It feels to good to have a life. AND, it was really nice to be out with people and having fun without having to drink a gallon of booze or worse! (although that was fun camping!!! )

I am SO tired of today. I am way way WAY behind in my brochures for work, and they know it. Am waiting for it to bite me on the butt, but it hasn't yet. I have kind of put everything on hold until the whole Mike deal is straightened out. I can't function 100% yet. Jerk. LOL!

We're both going to be ok. :) I promise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: th305899
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 1:59pm

Of course we will be okay!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: th305899
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 2:22pm

lol! I LOVE bailing out the jerks around here LOL

Nothing TOO exciting this weekend. I am picking up my brat tonight and my niece is coming home with us. I STILL haven't cleaned. I may have to ground myself off the computer tonight after Mike goes to work to get some done. I HAVE to do laundry too. LOL Tomorrow during the day I promised the girls I would take them to the pool - 7th day in a row over 90. Sunday is suppose to get up to 96. Then, tomorrow night is the EQ wedding. (reminds me, I have to buy or make more alcohol for it!) Sunday I will be at the pool with the girls again, then taking them back to moms. Somewhere in there I will be chatting with Mike and MUST clean. HOPEFULLY he follows through and has a ticket to fly out on Monday or I am going to tell him something has to give soon - I can't keep going like this!! I was going to take the girls to the drive in tonight (the icky one) to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory but it is too hot.

What are you going to do?

I am bored too - watching the clock for the end of the day. I was going to stay late to make sure I had 40 hours in, but I dont think I will LOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: th305899
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 2:29pm

I am incredibly bored.

Pages