Oy, what a day! I'm not safe. trig

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Registered: 02-06-2004
Oy, what a day! I'm not safe. trig
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Fri, 07-22-2005 - 1:39am

I slept all day until I had to go to work (and then get mad at myself for sleeping). Then at work my coworker has obviously gotten over her "I'm new so I better watch what I say" attitude and has already started pulling complete attitude with me. I am also in a lot of pain and find that I cannot do a lot of my work (things that require gripping hurt my wrist, mopping kills my shoulder and wrist, just a few examples). My coworker did next to nothing (2 things versus 10) and I did most of the serving, and then she expects to go home right at midnight becase "she is done". No sorry doesn't work that way. For one thing the dining room is not equal to the front as far as work load goes and for two it's a joint effort. We are supposed to leave at the same time. So, if she helps with the work then we both get to go sooner, but nooooo she doesn't deserve to do "my" work. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I was so mad and depressed that I was crying before I even left work and quickly became triggered to SI and SU. How can I possibly work with her for the next 3 days?! Why should I let her "win" by hurting myself? But that's how I feel.

Now of course more gossip will fly about me. Whatever. I know I shouldn't care what those losers think.

I've been looking into going on employment insurance (sick) benefits. It will be two weeks before I get to see my doctor again and I don't know how EI works. I don't want to quit before I get that figured out. I hate that I physically can't do my job and I hate my coworker's response when I said I really can't mop right now..."then why do you work here?" Well I haven't always been in so much pain! Instead of just being helpful she has to be a bitch. I guess that store attracts bitchy workers. People who can't do any better than a sub shop, obviously. I have a degree and still can't EVEN do my job at a sub shop let alone better.

Amanda aka loser

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Registered: 01-06-2005
Sat, 07-23-2005 - 1:43pm

God Amanda i wish i could give you the biggest hug!!! it's amazing how similar the trials seem to be for BP sufferer's (sp?) pleases don't quit! not for some knuckleheads at work. you would hate yourself even more if you did. don't let them run you off! NEVER let ANYONE run you from ANYWHERE. and if you want to leave, tell your boss to their face. you've invested 3yrs of your life to that place to let some A$$hair run you away!! leave on your own terms, don't let anyone set the standard for you. Your a beautiful woman, very smart and talented. you have so much to offer, know that, claim it, and let it be known to everyone you see that you are strong woman and trivial crap that goes on in EVERYONES job does not faze you! and when you need reinforcement, you can just email me and i can give you that kick in the booty to get you going! lolol! my email add. is omeomi_9@hotmail.com

valerie

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Registered: 02-06-2004
Sat, 07-23-2005 - 2:48pm

Thanks for the ***hugs***

I am quitting but it is not only because of my mental state or my coworkers. I physically cannot do my job anymore and that is my reason for resignation. It is only a sub shop but I have written a letter of resignation and given 1 week's notice. That's pretty generous for that place. People will call on a day they are supposed to work and say they aren't going to work any more or just not show up. At least I'm giving some notice. If I wasn't in so much pain I'd definately give him 2-4 weeks notice.

As for my coworkers I'm trying to pretend to not be annoyed by them in hopes that I will actually feel that way. It worked pretty good yesterday. Only 2 more shifts. This has been the longest week of my life! I don't know how I'll survive in the real world when I have to do 5 shifts a week every week, that's got to be worse than one week of 6 shifts (and not all 8-hr shifts either). How can us BPs possibly hold a "real" job? It's overwhelming just to think about. Hopefully I'll be able to handle the "right" job.

hugs,
Amanda

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Registered: 12-14-2004
Sat, 07-23-2005 - 11:18pm

Amanada:

I feel and know what you're going through. I just left my job of a year and a month due to the overly stressfull enviorment and under the supervision of my pdoc and my community worker. It felt like I was constantly being bullied from every end, despite being the one who had been there the absolute longest above all my co-workers. My manager had a bias for the people she hired and often shunned me and my closest and only friend there. The owner was a manipulitve son of a bitch and intimidated me back in March to pay back money that had been stolen when I had no control over the situation to begin with. (He did it again with another empolyee when there was a break and enter and ended up firing her.) Then, to put even more pressure on me, while I was stressed out over school and first trial periods of medications, she made me work five nights a week in the store where not only the robery occured, but where my ex frequently would pass with his girlfriend. (Hello, trigger!) When I asked her to put me back into the other smaller and more private store, she kept putting me in the big store and it sent me off the edge every night because quite often I was alone and didn't have anybody to calm me down. By the end of it, I had not only her giving me dirty looks because she couldn't fire me, but I had the two girls she hired shooting me the eyes of death. It's only gotten worse since I started hounding for my records of employment and vacation.
The good news is my bitchy manager quit shortly after I did. I think the karma suggestion is a good one. :P

The even better news is I've started working with some of the job search programs we have here. Hopefully it will be a mater of time before I find something a bit more calming than what I had.

Good luck to you. I hope everything goes OK. :)

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Registered: 02-06-2004
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 3:20am

Well I finally did it. I quit. I talked to my boss when he called tonight and I left him a letter in his office. Unfortunately I had a completely *Zen* night and started second-guessing my decision.

(((Missemilyjane)))) Sorry to hear that you had to go through something similar. I hope that everything works out for you too.

hugs,
Amanda

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Registered: 01-06-2005
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 7:52pm

I haven't had a "real job" in over 2 yrs. i had serious rage issues. i also would breakdown at the drop of a hat, i had to quit. i've been trying to get SSI for the longest time, it's so hard to get in NJ but i have lawyers now. i made a post months ago asking how the working BP's do it, i think they are amazing. besides the fact of having to eat and a roof over their head, i don't know how they do it. being stable with your meds have a lot to do with it. i want to go back to work but i can't even cope with people i know much less strangers.

good luck Amanda in your search for a new gig!

valerie

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Registered: 02-06-2004
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 10:08pm

I'm so nervous about applying for sick benefits. What if my doctor doesn't give me the documentation?!

I hope that I get one of the positions teaching or tutoring. That is exactly what I want to get into so I would get the experience I need before teacher's college.

ttyl

Amanda

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Registered: 11-18-2003
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 11:41pm

(((((((Amanda))))))) You are NOT a loser!!!!!!! You are a wonderful human being and cannot let the BP tell you any different! I want you to hang in there and stay safe!Please! You've got my e-mail addy and I am checking it as often as I can while on the road. But I will make it a point to try to check it more religiously than I have been. I'm here for ya girl! Let me know how you are doing okay? I'm worried about you.


Hugs,


Traci

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Registered: 01-06-2005
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 3:28pm

I know in NJ, SSI contacts your docs' talk to your docs' and address the situation on whether or not you need SSI. i know my pdoc was like, "you work? ah.....NO!" lolol! all my paperwork has been filed so i'm waiting for word from the state.

valerie

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Registered: 02-06-2004
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 1:41am

I don't know how it works here but maybe my disability counsellor will have more to tell me tomorrow. I was freaking out last week and made an appointment this week. I can't believe how much has happened in the last week since I saw her. I was supposed to call work monday, submit a resume tuesday, and clean up a tiny part of my room wendesday and go to the doctors...ended up working 6 days, having a horrible rage issue at work and problems with coworker, SU and SI urges, finding "zen" peacefulness at work, quitting my job and hoping to get EI but haven't even talked to my doc.

I'll let you know how things go tomorrow!

Amanda

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