Fuzzy days...........
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| Sun, 07-24-2005 - 1:05pm |
Does anyone have the problem of having a few dark, depressing days,
and coming out of it not remembering much? I seem to have this
alot, and it really concerns me. I went through a spell earlier
this week, and I did some online shopping that I forgot (the UPS man
scared the crap out of me when he came to deliver the goods LOL) but
I have had conversations, went places, made phone calls and have no
rememberance of it. It's acutally quite scary. I understand that
sometimes my mind has to shut off.... that's when I get depressed
and have the dark days, but what I don't understand, after
struggling with this illness for 10 + years is I have had no reason
to be depressed, no reason to turn it on. I mean things are going
well. I recently became engaged, have a good support system
(FINALLY!) and a good family. Why the depression? I came out of it
within a few days which is unusual because it usually lasts more
than a week or so. I know it's part of the illness, but it still
really sucks. My fiancee' is just now learning how to deal with
this. When I finally came back to reality, and was told how I was
acting and what I was saying, all I could say to him was "I'm sorry,
I'm so so sorry" It really scared him. He kept saying to me "thank
you for coming back, I was so scared" He was crying. My god, what if
I need to be hospitalized again in the future? Is that going to
cause more hurt on his end? Probably, and I hope to avoid it. It's
all new, showing this disease, instead of hiding it. The only one
that I was truthful to, and showed this to was my councelor. My
family saw it, but not really to any good extent. (unless I was
hospitalized, then the very few that visited saw how bad it gets)
I'm very very afraid that if I continue to show this illness, or get
bad without seeing it happen, that I'll hurt him, and he'll leave.
Any advice? Please?

Jenny,
I have just plain memory problems now (probably related to fibromyalgia), but long before that I would have problems remembering stuff I'd done when severly depressed.
Jenny,
One of my worst episodes happened right after I remarried.