1st meltdown since surgery
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| Mon, 07-25-2005 - 4:38pm |
I felt it coming for days. would you believe my dog set it off? ever since i got released from the hospital we've had company EVERY weekend. i feel really blessed that so many of my friends and family were concerned about me, they even came from out of state. i was getting antsy this past weekend. i have visiting nurses 2xs' a day 7 days a week and that alone is making me crazy. i'm tired of strangers looking at my you know what!
one of my cousins came by unannouced (sp?) with his wife and was feeling particulary evil a that time, i had to scuttle out of bed and hobble to the door. i don't know what happened but soon as the dog came running to the door when i answered it he jumped up on my cousin and his wife and i lost it. we've been trying to get gifford to stop jumping up on people for months now and i just snapped. i started screaming at the dog, screaming at my cousin, i was totally out of control to the point my cousin had to grab and hold me. i'm crying and cursing...he held me until i got a grip. i was so %$#@ embarrassed. i have GOT to get a hold of my rage before i hurt myself or god forbid someone else. i thought i was finally getting stable on my meds and this happens. i see my pdoc tomorrow and shes probably gonna change my meds AGAIN.
when i was younger, i was constantly in fights, i would get so angry!..... i don't want to go back there.
Anyone dealing with rage issues?
valerie

aaahhhh, so there is a name for me being so phycho and going off on my dh and kids !!! :o(
Even on meds, this weekend I did the same thing.
God could not be everywhere, so
{{{{{Val}}}}}
I answered your email and asked how you were doing.
Here's my pedigree; 1200mg lithium, 300mg serequel, 40mg prozac, 200mg lamictal, 1mg clonazapam... and thats' just for BP, i have a whole other roll call for other crap! whhoopee!!! (i might be a little manic right now ya think?)
valerie
Oh Valerie -- I can sooooo relate. I had a meltdown Thursday at the pdoc's during my appointment. I guess if you're going to have a meltdown, the Psychiatrist's office is the best place to have one, but wow -- I lost it -- I couldn't stop crying. A lot's going on -- marriage may end, my son is barfing nearly every day from the stress, and Im a basket case. So....I am now on 400 mg Lamictal per day, 60 mg Prozac, 10 mg Ambien and .05 Xanax 4 times a day (she said if I need it -- I can take up to TEN xanax a day)- I can hardly take 3 xanax and stay awake, but let me tell you -- I had forgotten how nice it was to go a day or two without crying.
My son is at church camp this week, so I am going through my house room by room and cleaning -- I have 6 bags of garbage for husband to throw away when he gets home. He wants to know what I did all day? He'll have to put all the bags away before he can get in the door.
Anyway -- sorry for my rant. Valerie -- I hope you feel so much better. I have been thinking about you a lot -- I would have e-mailed you, but didn't have your address. I have heard that after a hysterectomy your hormones are flying just like they do after childbirth -- i know about the childbirth ones -- they are h*ll. Take a deep breath and try to relax.
We all love you here!