A bit of an update

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
A bit of an update
2
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 1:30pm

Well I worked my butt off last week - 6 days. What a week! I got into a huge blow up with my coworker (and not even the one that I've had problems with). That ended creating major rage in me followed by SU and SI thoughts. Luckily I worked by myself for most of the shift on Saturday and found peace, but it was more than working by myself that did it. The job didn't bother me at all, the customers didn't bother me. Everything was somewhat slower and peaceful. I felt completely "Zen". And I was continually shocked every time I realized the feeling wasn't going away. By Sunday I wasn't quite there anymore but I tried to be. I was soooo exhausted so that might have made a difference. But still I haven't had that since then either. But I'm kind of content still. I thin this is the first time I've been without episode in a year. Of course I'm already worried about losing this feeling. Why can't I just enjoy it?

Oh and I quit my job. I don't know if i said that.

I saw my disability counsellor yesterday and went through my week and personal issues this time. I even told her about my SA because that is one of the major issues on my mind lately - between the flashbacks and nightmares and now my abuser coming back into my life, it's all very prevalent.

I guess that's all for now.

Amanda

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: schitz
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 2:04pm
Are you happy? I didn't know about the last part of your post, I am so sorry. I am glad you were Zen like. That must have been nice. Is quitting your job a good thing for you? I know that the co-worker was a miserable person. No matter, I wish you nothing but zen like days from here on out.
Hugs & Hope
Carla
Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
In reply to: schitz
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 11:43pm

Thanks ((((Carla))))

I think I *needed* to quit my job. I just really hope that I can get sick benefits from EI. The physical pain was the last straw and I couldn't do my job any more. Plus fighting with coworkers and general unhappiness didn't help.

I too hope for more Zen days. Hopefully as I work through a few things they will become more and more.

Hugs,
Amanda

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