Fathers, ex's & kids....oh My!
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| Fri, 08-05-2005 - 4:48pm |
Not sure if this will have any triggers, but I'm swimming in a sea of confusion here.
Most of you know that my 15 yo dd recently met her bio-dad. They hit it off great! His wife and son have accepted dd into their family. This is a good thing.........I think. Anyway, we just got back from Texas on Monday and dd was picked up this morning to spend a weekend with bio-dad and his family. Again, I think this is a good thing, but that doesn't really matter. Ultimately it's dd's opinion that counts.
DD told her father (my ex-dh) earlier in the week that this was going to happen. Whether he got the message or not I do not know. He never made any acknowledgement to me that he had read the note, nor to dd.
Then, yesterday morning, ex-dh sends me an IM telling me that he had to change the date for this month's child support. This is due on the 1st of the month - he tells me this on the 4th. I asked him when he had changed it to and his reply was the 19th of this month - 3 weeks late with no notice! His "excuse" was that his money was all messed up right now. To which I replied that I could understand because mine was too!
So I met with tdoc and she was totally impressed to see me so po'd at my ex and talking about going after him with the child support enforcement agency. And as hot as I was yesterday and sure that this is the right thing to do, I'm already losing my nerve. Which is doing nothing for my mood at the moment. I know I need to do what's right for my kids but I'm afraid of making him mad because of how he'll react around the kids........when he does see them. I know how he reacted when his first ex did stuff like this, and that's why I don't want to make waves.
Yet, somehow I can't help feel that he did get dd's note and is doing this as some sort of "punishment" which makes my blood boil. Am I wrong? Am I a whimp? Good grief I need to figure out what's going on in my mind..........or what's left of it.
Thanks for the vent!
Hugs,
Traci



Hey!
Traci,
You may be right about the "punishment", that's just the kind of crap my father would have pulled (& did).
I was in the same place before.
God could not be everywhere, so
Hi Donna,
I will be contacting Child Support Enforcement today. I have reached my limit. Although the fear factor is there I have to do this for my kids.
My eldest dd (the one who has the different bio-dad) is very glad to be establishing a relationship with her biological father. In the month that they've been getting to know one another, he has been more of a dad to her than my ex has been to her since we divorced. Going after bio-dad for money is legally not possible because ex-dh adopted dd when we got married. Plus, dd went down to visit bio-dad this weekend and came back with several hundred dollars worth of school clothes, and school supplies. So, in effect, bio-dad is providing support for dd where her "dad" is not. I just wish my other 2 kids did not have to suffer because of ex-dh's temper tantrum.
DD's bio-dad is a wonderful man, one I wish I could have kept but hindsight being what it is, it just didn't work then. But, dd has a golden opportunity to have a relationship with this man and as I said, in one month he's been more of a father to her than the one she grew up knowing. So we'll see where that one goes.
But for now, my main focus is getting my kids what they deserve and that means going after ex-dh. Wish me luck;)
Hugs,
Traci
Traci,
I am SO proud of you. I just want you to know that. You've handled this situation tremendously. It had to be SO hard for you, and you held up, when I KNOW you were on the verge of falling apart. See the strength you have??? And displayed?
Please DO contact child support enforcement. Your other 2 kids don't deserve that from him, and his childish petty behavior. He is supposed to be the grown up after all.
Hugs and Love,
Keli
I am very happy bio dad is stepping up to the plate, that is awesome !!!
And I am also proud you will contact Child Support...you go girl !!
God could not be everywhere, so
Thanks (((((Keli))))). It is hard to keep my resolve to do this, but I honestly see no other way around this. I know he's going to get angry and make things a living h#)@ for me but
Donna, you aren't alone in wanting the ex to disappear! That's one reason I'm so determined to finish school. By getting a degree I'll be able to get a job that pays much better than what I earn now and won't NEED to rely on the ex for child support. But, that will come soon enough. For now, I will do what is necessary to get him to do his part and get on with my day-to-day.
My other 2 kids are a 12 yo DD and an 8 yo DS. Both are very active in sports, which costs extra but that is one thing I feel is important so I manage to make it work. DD is in softball - both spring and fall and DS is in baseball in spring and this year he's trying his hand at football. His coach is thinking starting him as Quarterback! I thought that was pretty cool:) But again, their father needs to aid in their support and right now he's just coasting along.