So frustrated
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| Sat, 08-06-2005 - 12:00am |
I've been fighting the blahs for three days, hoping that it wasn't the depression returning. I've had a week and a half of stability. I didn't want to lose that. I knew it was too good to be true.
I was watching What Not to Wear. I love that show and wish that I would be nominated for it. I would love to meet Stacy and Clinton and get a whole new wardrobe especially now that I'm getting too fat for my clothes :(
I keep getting these waves of depression. I hope that's not it. I want to keep this stability. I guess I just get these feelings of emptiness. I may have things that I'm doing but I'm still feeling purposeless or maybe just that purpose is unreachable.
I feel like I need more structure in my tdoc appointments. I just saw her yesterday and I already feel I need to see her again. I don't thik we're getting anywhere as is. We haven't gone through the goals that I made since the day that I made them.
I'm sick of feeling this way. My anxiety is killing me. I really wish I could be working with her on that and the OCD. Because I don't know exactly what's going on with the Ottawa trip I am tempted to cancel. I'd much rather be going camping by myself. Then I wouldn't have to worry about where I'm staying and how I'm getting around. I wish that my friend was going with me.
Ugh I feel like I could cry right now for no reason. But I'm not actually tearing up like last time (in NY).
I can't even put into words how I feel exactly. Frustrated. Maybe even angry (but why?!). Sad. Wandering aimlessly. A loser. Unworthy.
Am I bored? Do I just need to do something? No, I feel like doing nothing. But yes I'm restless.
Restless, irritable and discontent.
Amanda


me too honey...i'm sorry.
Amanda,
Try to find something to do that you REALLY like--then force yourself to do it--it may help.
((((Keli))))
Thanks for writing. I have copied your email to my contacts. Feel free to email me through my profile. I'm good at responding once letters get going (email or snail mail) but sometimes have trouble starting out!
Hang in there and I will too. We'll get through this.
*holding on for dear life*
Love you too!
Amanda
(((Marci)))
Thanks for the suggestions. Maybe when things were unstable I needed to just go wherever my thoughts took me. I guess we did kind of have a structured meeting last time. We went through the food guide and she gave me the task of adding one serving of each food group. I guess things are going the way I want them. I just need to keep them that way. And I guess I'm expecting miraculous changes. Ugh I hate myself when I realize things like this. I'm so selfish.
((((((((((Amanda))))))))) How are you doing today? Let us know okay. We're here for you. I'm right there with Keli though ~ If I could wave that wand, I'd make all of us happy:) She was also right when she said that people here love you! We do! and don't forget that~.
Hugs,
Traci
(((Traci))) Thanks. I'm doing pretty good today. Glad you are thinking about me. I'm thinking about you too.
Amanda
Amanda,
Hey, everybody gets the "blahs" sometimes!