been awhile

Avatar for wrgrossman
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
been awhile
8
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 10:59pm

hello all,

i haven't been here in ages. my meds have been working pretty well. i know it is terrible only to come when i need help, but i can't seem to get here when i feel good. it's depressing{no offence}. i started a new job since i was here last. i work in a small metal fabricateing factory. this job is really phsyically demanding, but i really like it. better than any of my previous jobs i think. it is sort of cool to look at a wherehouse full of big tool boxes, and know that i built them. if i get nothing else done, i have already accomplished something that day. the problem, i work almost exclusively with guys. most of them somewhere between 18 and 22. i am married with three beautiful children and just turned 28. i have always been a bit of a flirt, but when i am up, i get really bad. my already abnormally high sex drive goes into overdrive. i keep finding myself saying really in appropriate things. i never do anything, but i know the boys in the shop talk. is it terrible that i really love the attention? i guess i don't know if it is ok or not to be this way. at one of my previous jobs, this behavior with the flirting and all led to me kissing a coworker in the stock room. and yes i was also married when that happened. i am not terribley proud of that moment. the worst part is i am afraid it could have gone beyond that rather easily. too easily. i don't want to put myself in that possition ever again. my ex husband cheated all the time. i don't want to be like him. not even a little. my husband loves me very much, and i love him. the problem is when i get a little up and we are already haveing some problems, well, it's just a recipe for disaster. you get the idea. i guess i would like to know if i am normal, well what passes for normal among those of us with bp. thanks

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
In reply to: wrgrossman
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 8:59am

I think we all at one point or another love attention.

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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: wrgrossman
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 12:19pm

Hey becky, long time no hear from! i have soooo btdt. don't ever wanna get back to there again though...it caused major havoc in my life. yes, i still crave attention...yes, i still want attention and yes, i probably even still try to GET attention. But I don't let myself EVER act on it. Learned that lesson the hard way and i will never go through that again. I hurt way too many people.

Its so hard, isn't it? You can do it, though, I know it.

Lithium pretty much nipped my mania in the bud. Mania is where all that came from for me.

Hang in there, and we aren't all THAT depressing! Stick around.

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: wrgrossman
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 8:05pm

Congrats on the new job!

Avatar for wrgrossman
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: wrgrossman
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 6:55pm

is anyone there? please help me. my pdoc upped my lamictol to double my normal dose. today was my first day on that dose. i don't know if i can hold on long enough. my impulse control is nearly non existant at this point. i know if the drugs don't kick in soon, and i am given the opportunity, i will do something i will regret. i love my family. i don't want to lose it. lose everything, just because i can't control myself. my cycles usually go like once every two weeks or so. this one is long, and i am cycleing many times a day. i teeter between depression and mania. i can't sit still, i can't focus...i feel pretty bad about myself to start off with. now i feel like a bad person, just for haveing theese thoughts. imagine how i would feel if anything came of it. mostly i feel alone. like i am the only woman to feel this way ever. we sort of expect men to be preoccupied with sex, but none of my female friends understand. i need help, and my councelor won't see me until the end of september because she is all booked up.i can't do this. it is too hard.pray for me. i am not this strong. between the weight of my guilt, and this obsession, i don't know...

any reply would be greatly appriciated.

 


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Avatar for missyflanders
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: wrgrossman
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 8:07pm

I wish I could help you but I am new to all this myself. Just stay strong and avoid any situations in which you may be able to act on your feelings. Stay around other people. Have you thought about a marriage counselor? I don't know. Sorry that I can't help but wanted you to know you are not alone. I will be interested in the responses you get also.

Hugs.

Missy

 
 
Avatar for wrgrossman
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: wrgrossman
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 8:35pm
thank you very much for your post. it is really good to know someone out there is atleast listening.
becky

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: wrgrossman
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 9:53pm

Call your tdocs office back & ask to talk to a supervisor--if they can't figure out a way of working you into see your regular tdoc, maybe you can see another.

Avatar for littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
In reply to: wrgrossman
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 10:12pm
HI,
I agree...call pdoc again and explain the situation, that the mania isn't going away and you feel like you're on the edge of this. Can you take a few sick days until the meds kick in better? I wish I had a magic wand for you, I really do. I so know how you feel. Hang in there and you CAN get past this, OK??

littlemascara