~~~~~Keli~~~~~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
~~~~~Keli~~~~~
3
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 8:47am

Hey girl, How are you doing??? I am sorry I haven't been on the board as of late but my computer totally crashed and I have no idea how or where to start fixing it.

I have missed you. I am hanging in there. I have had some ups and yucky downs but you know what that is like...It SUCKS
My BF moved and I have been helping him do that, taking Jayme to her tdoc and pdoc, helping my mom with groceries, doctor appointments and laundry. I am so tired some times. I get more irritable lately but I try not to take things out on other people around me.
Jayme is doing better since she came out of the hospital. She has been taking her Lexapro. It seems to be working well so far. She goes back to school August 30th. She has so much anxiety at school so I am hoping the meds and therapy will help her through that, so she can be successful this school year.

I went to child support to have them reinstate me for child support since Jayme has been back with me for over a year and a half. Jay(Jayme's dad)freaked out because they sent him a letter telling him he owes $5,000 back pay and if he doesn't pay it within 30 days he will have his drivers license suspended. He asked Jayme to move back in with him hoping he would get out of paying me that money. He hasn't even talked to her much because he said he couldn't watch her make a bad life for herself by not doing well in school, quiting her job and having 2 tattoos and her belly button peirced. He has no unconditional love for her. He has no clue what it is to be a father or a Dad. He likes to run from any responsibility he has. I really hate him but in away I feel sorry for him because he is a lost soul that has no clue what a great dd he has. Jayme said she wasn't moving in with him but felt bad to have to tell him no. He would not take her to her tdoc and pdoc and he is against meds so that would end for her. I want her with me so I can help her and not hurt her like he will do.

Let me know how EVERYTHING is going with you. I am hoping you are doing ok. Again, I miss you!

Talk to you soon,

Tina~

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 9:43am

Hey Tina!

I've been thinking about you too lately! So much craziness going on with me though! I had another, something, happen...i hesitate to call it a breakdown...but an episode of sorts...the RAGE is off the charts, so irritable, incredibly depressed for over 6 weeks...was taken off cymbalta and put on wellbutrin, that caused major rapid cycling. Soooo, got taken off that 2 or 3 days ago and put back on Topamax along with my Lithium and Ativan, but no antidepressants, which scares me. I'm okay so far. Still raging, still very irritable, but hopefully it will get better with time. I've gained tons of weight on Lithium, 40 pounds. Now up to almost 250...am so so so upset. But not motivated to exercise or anything. UGH.

I am sorry about Jay, but you're right in that he doesn't love Jayme unconditionally. Eric and Jayme are a lot alike. Eric starts high school next Monday. I'm scared to death for him. He's had some major rage this summer too. He's not with a tdoc or pdoc yet. I told him he had one more chance. He is totally against it.

I am just SO ready to get stable again. I'm hating it so badly. Doing the whole, this isn't fair thing. Its not. But it is what it is. We are BP, and like it or not, we have to deal with it. Sucks though.

I miss you too! I only have access to the board during the day, and sometimes email in the evenings if i make it to the library.

Better go for now...hang in there! Post when you can, but know I'm always always thinking of you! I talked to Teri the other night. She's okay.

Love ya,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 1:32pm

Keli-

I am sorry to hear you are cycling and dealing with the irritability that goes with BP. I hate it too. I have been having a hard time concentrating and remembering things witch my pdoc said is part of BP.

Be careful to watch for deep depression with being off of the cymbalta or any AD. Though Topamax is a good med and with the Lithiam together I hope it does the trick. I heard that Lithium can cause a great deal of weight gain. My old pdoc talked to me about me going on it and flat out said no way, but I guess if it means stability what can you do. I am 244lbs and I can't blame it on meds. I am trying to get a med called Meridia approved from my insurance company. They will approve it if I go to a Nutritionist, which I will go to on Monday. But it has been a long process. It will probably take another 2-4 weeks before it is approved. What Meridia does it it makes you feel full quicker when you eat. I am joining the gym in September and working on my weight. I know at first I will have to really push myself and have more self control. It will be so hard but I am going to do my best and take it one day at a time. My primary doc said it will probably take me a year or so to lose 100lbs, which means I need to be patient.

I hope Eric does good this year in school and at home. It is hard for kids when they suffer from these illnesses. My dd is being tested for ADD as soon as her pdoc can arrange it. She is also being tested by the school for learning disabilities, but I don't think she has a learning disability. I think she has anxiety so bad it stops her from being able to concentrate and do her work. she is so smart.

I am praying for you that you get stable SOON. You are right we are BP and we have to deal with it no matter what. I am glad to hear Teri is doing ok. She has had a rough road to deal with. She is so strong and so are you. I admire you both.

Hang in there, hon. I will talk to you soon.

Love ya,

Tina~

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 1:49pm

Girlfriend, you can SO lose the weight. If anyone is strong here, its YOU. I hope you know that. But I think you do. You have the quiet, strong resilience that I admire so much. I lose my mind so quickly and go off the deep end so fast that I so admire your steadiness, even when your cycling. You are such a quiet good spirit and I truly admire you. I've missed you greatly.

Meridia is a good medication. Or so I've heard. Its not a stimulant, so that's good. I need to exercise too. I just haven't been able to afford the gym, or Curves, which is what I want to do. But maybe soon.

Not being on an a/d scares the crap out of me. But I've been in a very deep depression for about 6 weeks ON one, so maybe it won't be any worse. I'm okay right now. I will NOT go back in the hospital though, no matter what. I will deal with this with my pdoc.

You hang in there and know I'm always with you.

Keli