i did it again
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i did it again
| Sat, 08-13-2005 - 8:57am |
well i did it again. stock room and all.[you would have to read my last post to understand} oddly enough i acctually felt better when i got home. like ii could focus on my family now that i got it out of my system.my kids were so cute, and my husband really dose love me alot. i really sort of have it all. except money. i unfortunately don't even feel that guilty. what the hell kind of person am i ? my fixation got so bad yesterday my hands were shaking. i snapped my self with a hairband around my wrist every time i thought about it. needless to say i broke it in about 5 min. i actually have bruises on my wrist now. anyway, after i got home i felt pretty good until after dinner.he was right in here playing that stupid game.my husband that is.after i cleaned up i got the kids ready for bed,i called him to come help tuck them in. the conversation went something like this,dh" i'll be in in a min." 5 min later...me" hon are you comeing?" dh yelling"i said i would be in in a min." kids still waiting five min. later when he finally comes in...he goes directly back to the computer while i clean up from dinner. an hour later i get.."hon, will you make me some tea?"...me " yes dear"....an hour after that. i am doing laundry...dh " hon bring me a pack of smokes"... me "yes dear". two hours later... me" hon, i gotta go to bed now, are you comeing?" yep. little one crying... dh" go take care of him, and i'll come to bed with you when your done.'...i go to bed. 10 min later he comes in. this morning he was being pretty nice. i'ts not his fault i know, but i am so tierd of yes dear. i feel like i have to do everything. our house is always a mess. i work in a factory. i lift 100 pound tool boxes all day. i'm tierd. and i wish someone would pay attention to me. i'm so tierd. god help me. i'm a mess. anyway, i just had to get that off my chest. thanx


Sweetie,