Keli, I wish I knew what was going on. I just have hit a wall or something. Depression just sucks, especially when I don't know what triggered it. I feel like I can't do anything right and those feelings of failure are ever present and there's just no reason for it. But I guess with BP one doesn't always need a reason? I don't know.
How are you today? You sound a better and that's great! Thanks for listening.
Girlfriend, if we could figure out WHY we got depressed, we would be SO rich. Yes, it totally and completely BITES you know what!!! I'm sorry you're there. And what sucks even MORE is that nobody can do anything about it. Just know I'm here, and we're all here...and we care...and you are never alone. Sometimes the BP brain tells ya these really stupid things that aren't true! :)
Yes, I'm so much better now. I have learned many things...1. I'm strong. I KNOW that now without a doubt. Nobody or nothing can break me. EVER. 2. BP can be managed, if you can remember that you have been here done that. That's the key. Its just so hard to remember that when you are in the the freaking hole. You have to remember that it WILL and DOES get better. It just doesn't seem like it. That's BPs way of playing a funny joke. I'm not laughing, are you? So think REAL HARD to your last episode, and remember that you did come through it ON YOUR OWN. So to heck with BP. k? 3. I have a dark side. I have to manage that dark side, so that I don't hurt other people. I never had a dark side, and now I do, thanks to BP. Another lovely joke...again, I'm not laughing. However, it is what it is, and I have to learn to manage it completely. This is a priority for me, and something I will be working with my tdoc on immediately. I don't like this part of myself. At all.
Sorry for going off on a tangent like that. I just wanted to really let you know that YOU are strong, and YOU can do this, Traci. You have done it before, and YOU WILL DO IT AGAIN, okay?
Thanks Keli. I just wish the thoughts would go away. I can deal with the blahs of depression but it's the thoughts that scare me and I can't get them to stop. Tdoc told me to call her, but she's on vacation out on the west coast so there's really nothing she can do so I don't want to bother her. I just wish I could find the "key" to make them stop. But I don't even know if there is a key.
The thoughts are the worst and most dangerous part. If they get too bad, you pick up the phone and you call your tdoc, vacation or not. I'm serious. The thoughts are what trick us into doing the bad things. Okay? The blahs are so secondary to the thoughts. The whole time I was so nuts the last two weeks, the dang thoughts were what were going to "get me". Know what I mean?
Call her, Traci. You know her well enough by now to know that she means it, when she says call her if you need her. Its not like you'd be calling to say, HI!
Do you have any Seroquel??? If so, take some...even if only a little for now...its what my pdoc tells me to do EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Keli, I wish I knew what was going on. I just have hit a wall or something. Depression just sucks, especially when I don't know what triggered it. I feel like I can't do anything right and those feelings of failure are ever present and there's just no reason for it. But I guess with BP one doesn't always need a reason? I don't know.
How are you today? You sound a better and that's great! Thanks for listening.
Hugs,
Traci
Girlfriend, if we could figure out WHY we got depressed, we would be SO rich. Yes, it totally and completely BITES you know what!!! I'm sorry you're there. And what sucks even MORE is that nobody can do anything about it. Just know I'm here, and we're all here...and we care...and you are never alone. Sometimes the BP brain tells ya these really stupid things that aren't true! :)
Yes, I'm so much better now. I have learned many things...1. I'm strong. I KNOW that now without a doubt. Nobody or nothing can break me. EVER. 2. BP can be managed, if you can remember that you have been here done that. That's the key. Its just so hard to remember that when you are in the the freaking hole. You have to remember that it WILL and DOES get better. It just doesn't seem like it. That's BPs way of playing a funny joke. I'm not laughing, are you? So think REAL HARD to your last episode, and remember that you did come through it ON YOUR OWN. So to heck with BP. k? 3. I have a dark side. I have to manage that dark side, so that I don't hurt other people. I never had a dark side, and now I do, thanks to BP. Another lovely joke...again, I'm not laughing. However, it is what it is, and I have to learn to manage it completely. This is a priority for me, and something I will be working with my tdoc on immediately. I don't like this part of myself. At all.
Sorry for going off on a tangent like that. I just wanted to really let you know that YOU are strong, and YOU can do this, Traci. You have done it before, and YOU WILL DO IT AGAIN, okay?
Love and Hugs,
Keli
Thanks Keli. I just wish the thoughts would go away. I can deal with the blahs of depression but it's the thoughts that scare me and I can't get them to stop. Tdoc told me to call her, but she's on vacation out on the west coast so there's really nothing she can do so I don't want to bother her. I just wish I could find the "key" to make them stop. But I don't even know if there is a key.
Hugs,
Traci
The thoughts are the worst and most dangerous part. If they get too bad, you pick up the phone and you call your tdoc, vacation or not. I'm serious. The thoughts are what trick us into doing the bad things. Okay? The blahs are so secondary to the thoughts. The whole time I was so nuts the last two weeks, the dang thoughts were what were going to "get me". Know what I mean?
Call her, Traci. You know her well enough by now to know that she means it, when she says call her if you need her. Its not like you'd be calling to say, HI!
Do you have any Seroquel??? If so, take some...even if only a little for now...its what my pdoc tells me to do EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Love ya,
k.