I am in a bad place right now......trigs
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| Wed, 08-24-2005 - 11:06pm |
I have been for the last week or so. Nursing school is already taking its toll on me. I no longer know if I can do it or even want to. I miss just being a mommy. I was getting so much better then I added this stress to my life and i jumped backwards 2 years. It is awful. Dh just asked me how many sleeping pills I was going to take. I am yelling at everyone, not sleeping, crying constantly and just generally not happy and not fun to be around. Or I am pretending that life is good while trying to show how I really am feeling. I want to look like I am OK. I am not doing homework or cleaning or taking extra care of my kids. I don't know what I am doing and if there is even a point in being here at all. I want to drop out of classes just to get myself better and my kids older but could not stand all the people in my life that would look down on me for that. I really just don't want to be at all. I never thought I would be unable to do something but the stress of school is really making me believe that I can not handle this kind of stress anymore. Then I blame dh, kids, BP. What is wrong with me? I am sobbing again. I know this does not make much sense. I apoligize. I just have all these thoughts spinning in my head that I can not type fast enough, especially through the tears. Can BP make it so I really can't do things I may or may not want to do? I have talked to other girls in class and they don't feel the same way I do or completely overwhelmed. Why do I? I just can't do it. Can I do anything? Never mind. I am going to lay in the dark some more. I can;t say sleep, I have not done that in a while. Thanks for letting me vent. No need to respond, I am sure it can not make much sense. I am sorry to be typing this when some of you are doing so much worse then me. Just know that you all are not alone and I wish you all the best. Hugs to those who need it.
Missy


Missy,
You are so worth it, honey! I know we are ALL pretty much in a bad spot right now...you and me both included. But we have to find reasons to make it. One reason...just one, every day.
I had a very bad night too. and morning today...
I have to find my reason today and its not easy.
I just wanted you to know I hear you and you are worth living for. Okay?
I'm sorry its bad for you right now and I wish I could make it better.
Love and Hugs,
Keli
((((Missy))))
How are you today?
God could not be everywhere, so
Still not good. Called pdoc to have appt moved up. They can get me in on Monday. Still desperate so I called just now to request that she call me back. Hopefully she can do something for me before Monday but i am not really expecting it.
Missy
missy i know what you're going through. as keli pointed out a lot of us right now are in bad spots. and if tthe school is taking that much of a toll on you then go back to being mommy and ditch school. maybe now is not the right time or maybe nursing isn't the profession for you, either way you are what matters. calling your pdoc is the best thing you can do.
i called my tdoc tonight because i'm getting worse. we changed my appointment to monday morning and she'll be around all weekend if i need to talk. i'll keep my fingers crossed that your pdoc comes through for you. keep us posted k?
traci
((((Missy)))) I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I have spent the last 10 years trying to make it through school with BP and no meds and I felt like that everyday, I would cry and cry because I just couldnt do it and everyone else talked about how easy the classes were..and I had so much trouble and then I had to come home and take care of the kids and clean and cook and all that on top of school and it was just too much. I LOVED summers when I didnt have to go to class. I am sorry you are having such a hard time, and like everyone else said...if its too hard for you, drop to half time, or even all the way. Give yourself some time to really evaluate what you want. Good luck sweetie...I am pulling for you!!
Rebekah
Missy,
Going back to school as an adult, especially and adult with a family is a big stress and being BP just adds to the mix.