Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Keli
5
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 10:31am

I hope you are doing ok today.


Thought you might like to see your horoscope today??


Your co-ruling planet Mars is crossed by the showy communicator Mercury in Leo and your first reaction is to want to run and hide. It's not that you are against having good information; it's just that the data is less than substantial and is more about stealing the spotlight. If you must act in order to set things right, remember that your kindness now will make life easier in the days ahead.




"You win some, you lose some, you wreck some." -- Dale Earnhardt
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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: cl_igemini53182
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 11:02am

not doing that wonderfully today at all...but have been working, to keep my mind occupied...i have been blaming everyone else around me for the state of affairs my life is in...esp my dh and he is getting so tired of me. i have to get a grip. we are having major money problems, more so than usual, lately. now, i get paid next wednesday morning, which will take a lot of pressure off of us. but getting from NOW til THEN will be a major undertaking. he's gonna get sick of me...i mean, let's look at it realistically for a minute or two. I am Bipolar and have a long hard road ahead of me that probably is going to get worse instead of better. I'm not any fun any more. I'm not into sex like i used to be, in fact, i don't like to be touched any more at all. I am always either angry, or crying, or so damn happy that i can't make sense of anything. I'm either yelling or laughing. I'm crazy. I put a lot of pressure on HIM to make me okay and he can't. But I expect him to. I totally expect him to. When he can't, I freak out on him. I told him this monring that i know he would be better off without me, and he would, and i know that. He would be happier. He hasn't responded. (It was a text msg). I hate that I make him miserable...then I get to work, and read about my friend Tina's mom and I lost it. I cried and cried, and Tina if you read this, don't you dare feel bad! I love you and I loved your mom! I just know how you feel and it broke my heart. My mom is so sick too...and I have been SO mean to her lately too.

What the hell is wrong with me? I am NOT queen of freaking sheba. My family and friends are NOT here to make me feel better and ensure my happiness. That is my responsibilty.

I hate BP. I truly hate BP. HATE HATE HATE HATE BP. Why did I get chose to have it? What did I do? I need my a double S kicked for having been so mean lately and making everyone around me miserable. I needed a reality check.

I just don't know how to be happy when I feel so bad. Maybe when I get paid, and some of my problems dissipate, I will be able to relax some. Right now, I'm wound very tight and I'm am on the edge of explosion at all times.

Sorry for venting, but you asked.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
In reply to: cl_igemini53182
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 11:34am

Don't be sorry for venting..its all good.


Only God knows why we are 'chosen' to deal with this crap.

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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: cl_igemini53182
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 11:50am

i know you are right...that only we can make us happy...i have to stop putting so much pressure on everyone else around me...i'm just miserable and wanting everyone to fix it...ugh!

i just want payday toget here and have money again, and that will be a lot off our shoulders. then i can start therapy and deal with some "small" stuff before the bigger stuff...

i'm going to smoke...will post more in a bit...

xoxo

k.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: cl_igemini53182
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 12:10pm
how is ds doing? i forgot to ask!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
In reply to: cl_igemini53182
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 12:20pm

seems to be ok.

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God could not be everywhere, so