lots of decisions - poss triggers
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| Thu, 08-25-2005 - 1:07pm |
the past week or two have been very bad and it's getting worse. the thoughts are unbearable and i'm not handling that well at all. i went to tdoc yesterday but didn't tell her about the si. i knew if i did she would want to discuss i/p and with my job starting next week and my general fear of hospitals i couldn't tell her what i was doing.
last night was awful and i don't seem to be making any progress. i meet with pdoc in a little bit so i guess it's more med changes for me. yippee:( i've decided (with some advice from a very good friend) that i've got to tell pdoc a lot more than i told tdoc yesterday. that's the only way i can get my meds adjusted and stop the thoughts, or at least quiet them down. i still don't want to tell him about the si, but i may have to.
and that brings about the decisions. i'm worried that if i have to go i/p before the end of next week i could lose my job. school employees are required to miss no work the first week. but at the same time, i've been told that i can't be fired if i'm in the hospital. so that's a relief. the other issue is my kids. this was the issue before that stopped me from going i/p. i can't entrust them to my mother and their father has no place to put them conveniently.
so i will see what happens at pdoc today. if he adjusts my meds or what he decides to do. then i guess i will have to make the decision of whether i go i/p or not.
i just am so sick of this. i thought once i got on the right meds that would take care of the thoughts. but they are back and worse than before.
thanks for listening. i will keep you posted.
traci



(((Traci)))
I'm sorry you are still having trouble.
God could not be everywhere, so
as we discussed earlier, be honest with your pdoc, as much as you can anyway...you're going to be okay, i promise...
as for your kids...that is the TOUGHIE! i hate that part of it SO much...my god. its not fair...
maybe pdoc can work a miracle with your meds and we won't have to worry about it.
are there close friends there close by you you can leave them with for a few days? its not usually longer than that. just something to keep in the back of your mind.
take it step by step. first step is, go to pdoc and see what happens.
don't freak out, everything will be fine.
love and hugs,
k.
same here guys...no SI yet...but TONS of really crazy, mean, horrible thoughts...then i burst out crying cuz i'm so damn mean...i hate this. i think i might have to take some small amount of seroquel tonight and i so don't want to. ugh.
my poor mom fell the other day and is in a lot of pain and all i can think about is how aggravated I am that she is in pain and telling me about it. WTF is wrong with me? i've been like this for a while now...
i hate myself. i really do.
i'm mean to my dh too...really mean...and i will DIE if i run him away...so if that is true, WHY AM I SO FREAKING MEAN?
ugh...time to go home now to my lovely existence.
sorry, just having a bad day...oh yeah, another one! imagine that...
:(