My MOTHER! dunno about trigs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
My MOTHER! dunno about trigs
7
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 8:18am

Okay, so the last two weekends i've gone to my parents have been miserable for me, because I just don't feel good mentally. Okay, fine. I've gone anyway. This past weekend was especially bad. I basically worked the whole time I was there, and didn't sleep well either night. I wanted to go home so badly. My mother so totally got on my nerves. She doesn't mean to, but it doesn't change the fact that it happens. Once, I was giving her her insulin shot, and she said, you're just giving me air...I was like WTF? She said, there is no insulin in this needle. I said, YES THERE IS, TAKE THE DAMN SHOT. Not really, but I wish I could have. What I did say was, why would I give you a shot with no insulin in it. "Because I didn't see you" WELL YOU CAN'T SEE! omg, I was losing it. All weekend it was stuff like that. ALL weekend. So, I get home Sunday around 1:30...by 4:00 she'd called me already and asked me if I was coming this next weekend...WTF again. I said I don't know. Well, here come the tears...I said, what are you crying for...she said her and my dad were fighting...they were. So after about 3 hours or so of TRYING to explain to her that she doesn't UNDERSTAND what people are saying to her (she doesn't, she takes things and twists them TOTALLY around if she even remembers what they say) that's over. I'd told her during that call I wasn't coming, I wanted to stay home. So yesterday, she calls me, and all chipper-like says, so what time are you coming up this weekend. I lost it. I said I don't know. Then she said, oh, aren't you coming? I said, probably not, don't you remember yesterday's conversation? She says, all defeated like, oh, yeah...I said well, why are you sounding like that...Well, I just love to see you and if you don't come, I have nobody. WTF, I was really getting pissed again. I said well, I told you I wanted and needed to stay home for ONE weekend. And I really do...then she goes ON and ON with it...saying well, if you're going to your therapist thursday, you might need to get away, it will do you GOOD...WTF??? I thought to myself, yeah, it will do me good to get away from you...then she says, well, it would be a good weekend, cuz we get paid, you could take me to the movies...i don't get to do much...i was really pissed by this time...and she could hear it...she said, am i pressuring you? WTF! YES! The she said, well, you're angry with me, and starts crying. I can't take this, ya know??? I can't. Its not fair to me at all. I'm sick of it. I do EVERYTHING for them, my parents...and if I need a break, I am damn well taking a break. Then she says, well, your dad is wondering too why you don't come...so I said, let me talk to him...he gets on the phone, and tells me not to let her pressure me...to do what i need to do...

But she turns everything around and cries and makes me feel guilty...I've felt guilty my entire life for EVERYTHING and I'm sick of it. I am going to be freaking selfish for once. And then, once she gets used to this, she is going to get used to my coming on 2 times a month. I'm tired, and I've GOT to have a life too. This is a LOT of my problem...that I have NO life besides EVERYONE else's life that I just don't want.

This is the VERY first thing I'm talking about with my therapist on Thursday.

Yes, my mom is sick. Yes, she gets lonely. But in reality, this is NOT my problem. Is that harsh of me? I just don't think it is. I told her that I do NOTHING with my dh, or my ds...I've lost any IRL friend I may have had because I go there everything weekend. And its true. I do nothing for myself... I work, I go home, and then my only time to myself on the weekend is spent taking care of her on the weekend. I'm soooo sick of it.

If that makes me a bad person, then so be it. I just can't do it as much anymore. And I don't know how to not feel guilty about it.

She will call me again this morning about it too, I bet ya...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 8:46am

This might be kinda bad, but stop answering the phone for a couple days.

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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 8:57am

oh how i wish it were that easy...if i don't answer the phone, she calls a million times til i DO answer the phone...worried sick, crying, crazy out of her mind worried that i am dead or something...seriously.

yes, she is a trigger right now and i have to do just deal with it. its going to be hard, but i have no other choice.

i don't know why it has to be this way, but it does.

what if moved across the country, ya know? god...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 9:28am

keli, i can so relate to where you are right now. only difference is i live with my mother. all i can offer you right now is that donna is right, you can't let her guilt you into doing all this stuff. you have a family that you need right now and that needs you as well. but they also need you to get well and you won't be able to do that if you are constantly being triggered by your mom. i think that makes sense.....not sure. anyway you have to focus on you right now. see my post about my horoscope. i know you aren't a virgo, but it applies to most if not all of us here. you are determined to get stable, and that shows tremendous strength. telling mom no takes even more.........believe me, i know! that's partly why i'm in the mess i'm in right now. if i have to fight you do too. k? thinking of ya!


hugs & love,
traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 9:52am

yep, you are so right...i just HATE all this...the guilt trips, the feeling guilty for everything...i just hate it so much...i need a real break...

i just emailed my one IRL friend here in tallahassee, told her i was staying in town this weekend and really needed to hang out and do SOMETHING with her...we'll see...i've lost touch with everyone because of my BP and my mom...but I've let it happen too...so bottom line is that is my own fault.

ugh. trying to stay upbeat today and fight the depression. its there, but i'm fighting it. have to. am so sick of it i don't know what to do.

i just keep thinking how unfair it is, because my mom had her life, such as it was...when she was my age...she had her friends, until she couldn't work any more...so i'm going to have my own life. i am going to talk to my tdoc about this first thing thursday and we're going to figure it out. i'm not letting it bring me down anymore. i'm just not. i want a life again, such as it is, i want it.

now, i just have to stick with it! i always let THEM (my parents) guilt me into doing everything they want me to do...

my poor therapist has no idea what she is getting herself into...

you hang in there too...we'll be okay.

how do you feel today?

Avatar for suziq_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 10:28am
you are anything BUT a bad person.
beleive me i can relate to your feeling of helplessness & guilt w/ your mother.
i agree.
stop answering the phone.
i have.
& don't feel guilty either cause YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEEL GUILTY FOR.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 10:55am

keli, just keep that fighting attitude! i'm doing about the same. i've started using a rubber band on my arm when i get the urge. my arm's

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 12:41pm

Hey Susan,

How are you feeling today?

Love,

Keli