Tina
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| Thu, 09-01-2005 - 12:35pm |
Hey sweetheart...
I just wanted to post separately to you, so it wouldn't get buried and I would know you would see it.
I love you, my friend. I know the hurt you must feel. The daze and disbelief are just what Marci said they are...protective mechanisms. Your brain and your heart know exactly what they can deal with and they know when they can deal with them. Don't rush it.
As for your dd...she too, is probably in shock. And she is doing the only thing she knows to do right now. You have to let her go and support her the best way you can, as you HAVE ALWAYS DONE! You are the best mom I know! You are the kind of mom I have always wanted to be. You're so patient. And so loving and understanding with her. She knows this, Tina. She didn't leave you. She's a teenager. She's confused. She will be okay, because no matter what, you will always be there for her. You know that.
You have to allow yourself to grieve, yes...but its OKAY to laugh, baby! Its okay to joke, and to play with your bf. Life goes on, honey, and you know your mommy wouldn't want you to miss out on one single second of it.
If you want to cry, cry...scream...be ANGRY! BE VERY ANGRY! But know that its okay to feel okay. To feel happy, and to laugh.
I love you...we've gone through a LOT together...and I'm always here, okay?
Keli

Thank you friend...
I went to my tdoc and pdoc today and they said I was in shock big time. They also said I should probably not be driving but I have no chioce, though I am driving as little as possible. My tdoc said when the shock wears off I will need my bf even more. She said it will hit hard.
I took my dd to her pdoc and tdoc yesterday and she was a little "B". I was irritable with traffic and parking at the clinic...no parking places. She asked me what was so wrong with me. I told her my moods are all over the place right now and I am not dealing with my moms death very well. Her reply was I was so selfish...that I wasn't the only one grieving. I said, I didn't say I was. I can't stand being around her right now. She told me to leave her pdoc office and she would call her dad to pick her up. I didn't leave because I had to sign for her meds. I told her me having a hard time doing things like taking her to the docs was difficult right now but it wasn't that I didn't want to do for her. I picked her up and took her to make sure she got there. She just kept having an attitude. After her appointments I took her to her dads and went home...my bf's is my home now.
Next week I have to start going through my moms apartment with my sister and cleaning it totally out. It is going to be so hard to do that. I dread having to do it. I need to send thank you cards to everyone that came to the funeral. I don't feel like doing anything.
I know life goes on and I will do my best but it is hard. I miss her so much.
TTY soon
Tina~