The fog is lifting......
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| Fri, 09-02-2005 - 6:41am |
the fog is lifting, but i was right about swinging into a manic episode. not full blown, but am raging and i'm trying to get as much of myself together as i can within the next few minutes when i head off to work. like i said earlier, i want to experience one of those hyper manias for once if i have to experience any at all! i hate my rages. just got done going off on ds for having to do something in his room that i know he can't do, but somehow blamed him because i didn't get it done yhesterday!!!!!!!
but i also started the depakote last night. tdoc is thrilled that pdoc put me on it. she's very optimistic that this will work for me. i told her she could do the optimism for both of us right now. i can't get excited over new wonder drugs anymore, in fact i think my last crash is what triggered the si. i was out of fight and sick of the crashes and just couldn't deal with it anymore. she agrees that that played a role.
*keli, i took your advice and between hiding the knives, and taking all of my meds (depakote, trileptal, seroquel, trazodone) i actually slept last night! and ds slept in my bed 'cause his old bed has been taken apart and out of his room, awaiting his new bed this a.m. from his big brother. and being i sleep on a full motion waterbed and he's a light sleeper, he would have known if i had.
anyway, last question before i have to run............does anyone know how long it takes for depakote to actually work? tdoc said it could be as little as 3 to 4 days. i've never heard of a bp med acting that quickly. tdoc wouldn't lie to me, but i'm just floored that one can work that quickly.
will check back after my morning bus run.
hugs,
traci



hey hon...yes, depakote and lithium both work really quickly...i noticed a huge difference in a matter of a few days...if you do NOT see any difference, get on the phone and CALL PDOC! I'm serious about that. Don't sit there in misery, you don't have to!
I'm glad you took my advice and nothing bad happened. Whew.
I'll post an update in a minute about therapy and things going on with me today. I think I am back on the roller coaster again too. But, such is life, and its okay.
Love and Hugs,
Keli
thanks keli. i sure hope this is the "fix" tdoc thinks it will be. my rage is intensifying and i'm ready to hurt people........namely right now my mother. i have not been home 5 minutes and she has just jumped in and taken over my children's lives and makes sure i know it.........it's long and complicated and i won't get into it here, now, but maybe after i cool down a bit i'll try to put it in words that make sense and post about it. i hate the rage almost as much as the si that goes with my really severe depressive episodes like the one i just battled 'cause people end up getting their heads taken off for no reason......at least some of them. others, like my mother, well we just won't go there now.
if i don't see / feel a difference by like monday i'll call pdoc. but then again, in about a week i have to up my dosage again, so maybe i should wait if that happens? i don't know. mind is too busy to think right now. i'll talk to you soon. i'm going to see if you've posted your update yet;)
hugs & love,
traci
Traci~
I am so happy to know that you are on the upswing from this last crash. I was really worried about you, I didnt know exactly how to put it into words because I dont know you very well and I know when you are down like that people you dont know saying things like that can sound almost hypocritical so I just sent my prayers to God for you instead. I hope that the depakote does work for you, you need a break...hell living with my mother would send me in to rages even with the perfect cocktail :) Take care and know we are all rooting for you
Rebekah
thanks for the prayers rebekah. i am definitely out of the fog now. the seroquel adjustment i think did the trick. and the depakote, well i will remain hopeful. tdoc said i should definitely notice a difference by monday if it works. so i've still got a couple of days to be cautiously optimistic. i just hope she is right about this one. i'm so sick of the crashes and i honestly don't know, after this last one, if i'd survive another one. but yesterday i got into a huge blow-out with my mom. and i was talking to tdoc on the phone afterwards and she said that my rage may not be med/bp related...........it might actually be "normal" because of who i was raging about. so, i'm guessing i need to deal with some anger management. lol!
thanks again, and don't worry about not posting 'cause you don't know me that well. everyone here has at least one thing (if not more) in common. that gives us all a common goal. i never take anyone's words lightly or get upset because someone i don't know posted to me. that is how we get to know each other and that is how friendships are born. and i have made many right here in just that fashion.
hugs,
traci