keli?
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keli?
| Thu, 09-08-2005 - 2:19pm |
hi sweetie...
i hope you're not mad at me for anything...
love you!
| Thu, 09-08-2005 - 2:19pm |
hi sweetie...
i hope you're not mad at me for anything...
love you!
omg, honey...NO! i'm not mad at you! just feeling lost...and crazy, and agitated, yet depressed...having major flashbacks, and am sooo tired...and plain miserable. wanna do something really crazy, just for kicks...just for something DIFFERENT. I am so sick of every facet of my being being nothing but BP, or PTSD, or SA related. VERY sick of it. Ya know?
I am so tired of not having a social life, of ANY kind...not having any fun...and on the same time, just the thought of having any fun or any kind of social life totally paralyzes me...
I'm so totally messed up...
My mom just called me and for the 2nd time today (well, counting around 10 p.m. lst night, 3rd time) asked me if i felt any better) NO I DO NOT FEEL ANY BETTER, NO I AM NOT GOING TO FEEL ANY BETTER AND DO NOT ASK ME IF I FEEL ANY BETTER. But I can't say that to her, she is only being concerned...and she is so doped up on pain meds again now that she REALLY can't help it.
This sucks bad...and my freaking appetite is coming back...but I'm nauseated as hell and I can't eat. But I'm hungry as heck. Stupid Topamax.
Can you relate to any of this? Am I just THAT messed up?????
I am so disgusted all the time, by the things (flashbacks) that are coming to me in my head that I want to, i don't even know what I want to do...
I just know I don't like any of this anymore.
I love you honey...I'm sorry you thought I was mad!
How are you doing? Okay? Not okay? WHat's up with tdoc/pdoc? Trust PDdoc! I meant to tell you that yesterday...he's the one you trust...
k.
sorry you've got it so bad right now.
yeah, i feel sick too, ugh...i haven't eaten all day either...hardly ever do...til dinner time...then my dh makes me eat...lol...i get all crazy about the scale...am dying to weigh myself, but i am terrified to...did find the scale though, HA! haven't gotten on it though...
i don't know what to do, bethie...
guess nothin...go home, watch tv, IF i can concentrate...if not, sit there...smoke ciggarettes...wish i could self medicate, or SI, or something pretty destructive, but i won't...cuz i've learned so much over the last few years...ha ha freaking ha. right?
just keep on goin, like i always do...
just wish i could stop thinkin about everything all the time...moods included. ESPECIALLY maybe.
my mom means well...i'm more pissed at my dad than anything else. but i'll go into that another day. just say he is a you know what and leave it at that...
KELI!!!!!!!!!! If you are still near a computer and check this before you go home, PLEASE call me on my cell! I know you have the number and I'm worried about you honey! If you need it again, I"ll send it to you gladly, just please call me ok?
T