Bethie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Bethie
2
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 8:18am

How did it go at pdocs last night?

Love you girlie.

k.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
In reply to: keli003
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 2:12pm

bp all teh way according to my pdoc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: keli003
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 2:36pm

omg...you need a break from tdoc...she is majorly about to cause everything to go hell and back for you...she is jealous (it seems) of your pdoc...as hard as that is to believe! but, stranger things have happened...god...this is absolutely ridiculous...NO, you do NOT have to take in your journal...or a mood anything, or whatever pleasure thing she wants you to do...YOU are the boss here, Beth. YOU are...she is not. You have to take control again, when you feel you are able to do so. But you have to make it sooner rather than later so you can get your control back and get your life back. Pdoc is right about your dx. He is the one QUALIFIED to make the dx. She is not. She may know a lot about dx'es, but she is not educated or qualified in that area, if she were, she would be a PDOC!

Well, I went to tdoc...found out that my family is making me sicker...HA! Didn't we know that was coming? I have to do EMDR beginning in October. Scary, but if it will get me over this PTSD stuff, I'm so game. My flashbacks will stop. My memories will fade. They won't go completely away, but they will fade. My BP will ease too, hopefully. ??? Dunno. I can hope. Tdoc says just like pdoc says, I'm not ONLY BP...with having so much other stuff going on in my brain, its no wonder I'm not in a hospital somewhere; or worse.

I am supposed to write this letter to my mom this weekend, and my dad too, I guess. Explaining basically that they are making me sicker (hahahaha) but using nicer words...I statements...tdoc called them...and that I have to be released from the pressures they are putting on me (or that I am imagining are being put on me...???) and I don't know how to do it...I don't know if I CAN do it...I don't know! I don't know I don't know I do't know! I am supposed to bring her a copy of it...

I am also supposed to allow myself 30 minutes to FEEL. When something upsets me. Whether it be anger, hurt, frustration, agitation...anything...I have to literally time it...then I have to literally let it go. I cannot dwell on things anymore.

I have to learn to let go of especially the guilt that I carry around with me constantly. I never ever am without it. The only thing that is my fault is ACCEPTING THE GUILT.

My pdoc is amazing. Really.

She says the EMDR will make me feel pretty bad the 1-3 times we do it...but, I have to KEEP DOING IT...cuz it will feel really good later. Its scary at first. But it helps and you either SEE/FEEL the connection and its gone, or you don't ever see/feel the connection and just think you are better. Either way, its worked. She's gone through it, and she's studied it.

Like I said, at this point, my life is pretty much over, and at rock bottom, and I won't accept that anymore. So I am ready...scary or not.

Now, how the heck do I do this letter and what do I say and OMG...she asked me what my expectations were for the outcome of the letter, and I said my mom would cry and I would feel guilty and she asked me if that would affect my mood.?