scared..need someone to talk to(trigs)
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scared..need someone to talk to(trigs)
| Fri, 09-09-2005 - 11:50am |
actually i called my h to cry & you'd think he'd have had it w/ me & other men by now....besides his own brother drank himself to death last summer(all american family...blah blah)leaving behind 4 kids but totally unapproving of my mental illness all in the same breath.
that's another story.THAT should have shocked me as much or more than this...maybe i was so sick then i was anethisized.his brother never approved of me.my husband felt the "obligation" to stay healthy & alive.
ok...as i've said i'm off my lithium.the side effects were intolerable.being miserable i'm used to but the PROBLEM is that the lithium worked.i became someone i never WANT to be but it worked.(what i became was nothing short of being a little old lady gone to pot w/ a bladder prob & tremors...no thank you)
everyone who stays in a hospital makes a friend or 2 out of the people there w/ them...the ones who are ambulatory w/ working brains.
like us...here.we're all friends.
tho the exchange of numbers occurs no one REALLY expects the other to call or even really thinks a friendship outside the hospital is wise.
i,of course,worked up a "friendship" w/ a man i initially hated.but he turned out to be "like me" & very wise.
ok..let's be upfront.he WOULD attempt to get fresh which is why i kept my distance when he asked me out to lunch after our release.the one day i planned to meet him(FOR LUNCH ONLY)my h decided to spend the day home & i canceled.
we would often talk b/c he was feeling great after his "last resort"....E.C.T.
mine was scheduled but my insurance ran out besides i HAD to get back to my family.
so it remained my outside "last resort"
i often thought of calling him to ask if he still felt well.the distancing he was able to acheive from his past was close to what the lithium was doing for me.
well...i found his number today & i called his house.
yeah...i bet you all know the ending to this story.
i don't think ANYONE'S death has ever shocked me SO much in my lifetime.
at least it feels that way right now.
i feel like he was ME,you know?
that's another story.THAT should have shocked me as much or more than this...maybe i was so sick then i was anethisized.his brother never approved of me.my husband felt the "obligation" to stay healthy & alive.
ok...as i've said i'm off my lithium.the side effects were intolerable.being miserable i'm used to but the PROBLEM is that the lithium worked.i became someone i never WANT to be but it worked.(what i became was nothing short of being a little old lady gone to pot w/ a bladder prob & tremors...no thank you)
everyone who stays in a hospital makes a friend or 2 out of the people there w/ them...the ones who are ambulatory w/ working brains.
like us...here.we're all friends.
tho the exchange of numbers occurs no one REALLY expects the other to call or even really thinks a friendship outside the hospital is wise.
i,of course,worked up a "friendship" w/ a man i initially hated.but he turned out to be "like me" & very wise.
ok..let's be upfront.he WOULD attempt to get fresh which is why i kept my distance when he asked me out to lunch after our release.the one day i planned to meet him(FOR LUNCH ONLY)my h decided to spend the day home & i canceled.
we would often talk b/c he was feeling great after his "last resort"....E.C.T.
mine was scheduled but my insurance ran out besides i HAD to get back to my family.
so it remained my outside "last resort"
i often thought of calling him to ask if he still felt well.the distancing he was able to acheive from his past was close to what the lithium was doing for me.
well...i found his number today & i called his house.
yeah...i bet you all know the ending to this story.
i don't think ANYONE'S death has ever shocked me SO much in my lifetime.
at least it feels that way right now.
i feel like he was ME,you know?

(((((Sweetie))))),
Just because this guy was very similar to you does not mean you will have the same ending, nor are you in any way responsible for his death .