Still doing bad,SU thoughts...major trig

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Still doing bad,SU thoughts...major trig
2
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 9:03pm

I told my bf that I wanted to go to the hospital for my safety and he got mad. He said it that the only way I deal with my illness is run to the hospital. He doesn't understand how he can help me. He asked if I needed a babysitter and I said yes. I have still been taking alot of xanax to get me throughy my days...about 6-9 a day. All I want to do is sleep. I tried cutting myself but disposable razors don't work too well and the knives in this stupid place couldn't cut butter. But I will purchce something. My bf wants to help me but I don't now what kind of help I need. I am so scared and empty. I want to hurt myself. If not die at least cause pain. My bf doesn't understand these feeling even though he means well amd wants to be there. I am in so much pain and I am still trancing out. I feel I can't flip out in a safe environment here with him, his son and his brother. If I still feels this way for the next couple days I am going to sneak out and admit myself. God. O hope it gets better. It hasn't even been 3 weeks since my mom died and I feel I need to snap out of it or I mean everyone else feels I should snap out of it. I try to act like nothing is wrong on the outside but inside i am dying. I can't stand being without my mom. Right now my dd acting like she doesn't need me either doesn't help me want to stick arould either.

Sorry if I triggered anyone. Please hang in there all.

Tina~

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 9:33pm

Tina,


Don't let your BF not understanding keep you from getting the help you need--GO to the hospital-NOW!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 12:03pm

(((((Tina))))) Marci is absolutely right! Your bf will come to understand the importance of admitting yourself i/p. Right now you can't afford to wait for him to understand that........you need to do for YOU right NOW! The docs can and will explain to bf. You are in a lot of pain for a multitude of reasons right now and if you are thinking the hospital is the best place for you then you are probably right! That's not something we take lightly.