Beth...
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Beth...
| Tue, 09-13-2005 - 10:51am |
u around Bethie?
u r quiet...and i am worried about u...
i can't remember if u went back to work this week or not...
i am not good...but read my post to tracey...can't type it all again...
i don't know what 2 do...nothin i guess...
r u okay?
love u

hi babe, i'm here.
no, not the queen just yet! if i go, this will make my 5th freaking time i/p in 3.5 years...ridiculous...
i figured out i have pms right now too...and the prozac hasn't had time to kick in yet...
i am not actively suicidal...or cutting or anything like that...i just feel really bad...
and no, you are NOT a blubbering moron, or whatever the freak you called yourself...you're one of my only friends and i love you...no matter what.
bp sucks...the stupid topamax isn't keeping me from eating right now either, and if i take diet pills again, like i used to without a problem, i get all crazy agitated...i think its because of pms though...i think i gained back like 4-5 pounds...ugh...but i know how to lose it back...still sucks a$$.
i'm so glad your pdoc is telling your tdoc to back off some...dude, she was really starting to overbear a little bit there...
i did tell my husband a little while ago on the phone that it might be time to start considering the hospital...that i do have pms and the prozac i am now on, did i tell you i was on 20 mgs of it every other day now??? can't remember...anyway, it hasn't had time to kick in yet...SO, maybe in another week it will have had time to kick in...if not, i'll go i/p if i'm still bad, or if it gets worse...i can't take it any longer...i hate it yes, but at this point, i'm ready to feel better.
i hate for my job to know though, that's all...i've done a REALLY good job at pretending lately...i mean a REALLY REALLY good job. so they will be totally blind sided by this one. maybe it won't come down to it.
so what kind of stuff does the partial hospitalization stuff do? i wonder if i could do something like that, or if i have to go full inpatient...and the partial stuff is for after?
love you too
at my partila program we learn different coping skills, like different ways to react to situations IRL.
so what do you think would happen if i went off my meds?
if i am truly bp, then why aren't mood stabilizers stabilizing me?????
why i am STUCK in depression???
why am i just being kept "out" of mania?
i want to be manic again...i KNEW how to deal with being manic...i did that my whole life...
babe, that's the bp talking.
i'm okay baby...i promise...i am going home now...i'm not calling HER, meaning pdoc...i'm mad at her right now, cuz she has me where i am right now by taking me off my antidepressants...if she had only left things ALONE, i would be fine.
but i am okay...i promise you i will take my meds tonight...my dh won't let me not take them...
i'm just being bitchy and evil and crazy...but i'm okay...
if i don't feel betterr by friday, i'll go i/p...i can't stay home all weekend alone, with nothing to doa nd i am not going to my parents...
i just hate to tell everyone...i feel so stupid and so nuts and so crazy. and i hate it i freaking hate it so much...
u know what i mean...i know u know...
love u