I'm back...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
I'm back...
12
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 2:00pm

I am back from pdoc and I'm okay. I love my pdoc. She sat there with me for the longest time and reassured me that I would be okay. She was honest with me and said that she is frustrated too. She said that we're dealing with two issues/illnesses. BP being the major one...PTSD being the secondary one, and probably the one causing the most trouble right now. That once I get through the EMDR, I will probably settle down 1000%. Here's to keeping our body parts, all of them, crossed. Please. We went through my very very thick chart to see what meds we've tried, and tried again. We went very slowly, so we didn't make any choices out of urgency alone. And in the end decided not to change anything. We are however, increasing them. Ativan to 1 mg 2 to 3 times a day. Topamax to 400 a day if I can tolerate it...and I will take the Prozac every day starting today. If I cycle, then at least I will have some periods of relief.

She said she didn't know how I was working every day...I told her I'd called in 2 days. She said if I needed more, take it. That I WAS sick. And it was okay and she would back me 100%. I mentioned the thoughts I'd been having of wanting to die. She said those were feelings of hopelessness rather than suicidal thoughts...that made me feel better, less scared.

She wants me to reassure my dh that this won't last forever; and that this isn't ME. That the PTSD, BP, and depression are combining to make me this "way". That I shouldn't feel guilty anymore. She doesn't normally do "therapy" but today she did.

So, anyway...here we are. I am going to fight this again. I'd given up completely. I didn't let you guys know that, cuz Tracey would have kicked my butt, but I'd given up. But not anymore. I can't. I have told all of you so many times that I would kick YOUR butts if YOU did!

Thanks to you all for your support and caring. I couldn't do this without you.

Love and Hugs,

Keli

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
In reply to: keli003
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 2:06pm

I think that is AWESOME !!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: keli003
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 2:19pm

Keli,


I'm so glad you've got a supportive pdoc--that can make such a difference!

Avatar for atober
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
In reply to: keli003
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 2:34pm

Keli - I am so glad your appt went well. You do a lot to support people on the board and deserve a break. It's about time.

Hope all continues to go well. I don't know how many of my body parts I can cross anymore but will cross those that I can. lol

Alison

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
In reply to: keli003
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 2:48pm

Alison


Haven't seen you post in quite some time.


How are you???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: keli003
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 3:43pm

I'm so glad that Jane worked some magic for you. I do HATE to tell you this, but I knew you had given up when I called you the other night. I'm glad Jane knew what was going on and helped you to see some hope again.

Hang in there, I'll try to call tonight and let you know how the interview goes. I am doing Mike's resume tonight too- one of the places he called is very excited about his qualifications and wants a resume. Keeping my fingers crossed - it is very near where my 2nd interview is.

You're going to be fine - when do you do the EMDR? Hopefully soon. I agree that the ptsd is causing you more problems then everything else.

I'll talk to you soon!

Love T

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
In reply to: keli003
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 3:52pm

hi sweetie!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: keli003
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 4:05pm

i love you too...i HOPE beyone hope that the prozac kicks in...

i wasn't ready for the ptsd crap either, but my pdoc told me today i really had no choice, and i have to do the emdr very soon...i have an appt on 9/30 to finalize the times, etc., for it...so it should be in the next few weeks...i'm ready to get it done and over with...

i am supposed to take ativan all day every day...but i don't wanna be out of it all the time...i will play it by ear...

i hope i settle down soon, i can't afford all this! meds, pdocs, tdocs...its way expensive, even with insurance...

still feeling hypo? lucky duck...

:)

Avatar for atober
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
In reply to: keli003
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 4:25pm

I've just been mostly reading (aka lurking). I am still not sure whether I am bi-polar or have clinical depression with GAD. Usually, I check in here and read to see how everyone is doing though. Since I am not real familiar with and not sure if I am bi-polar, I usually don't have anything to add to the discussions. I just know that you and Keli are always right there when someone posts and wanted to make sure she (and you) knew that since she was feeling down and now better. There are a lot of people here who deserve a break and she is definitely one of them. It is nice to know that the pdocs/tdocs can sometimes get it right with a little coaching from us. lol. I finally have an appt wioth a pdoc next wednesday. Hopefully, one way or the other they will figure out what medicine I need.

Hope everyone is feeling somewhat good at the very least.

Alison

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
In reply to: keli003
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 4:31pm

oh girl...don't think you have to be dxd just to post or be involved !!

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Avatar for atober
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
In reply to: keli003
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 4:57pm

Thanks. I'll post after my appt if not before.

Alison

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