I'm back...
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 09-15-2005 - 2:00pm |
I am back from pdoc and I'm okay. I love my pdoc. She sat there with me for the longest time and reassured me that I would be okay. She was honest with me and said that she is frustrated too. She said that we're dealing with two issues/illnesses. BP being the major one...PTSD being the secondary one, and probably the one causing the most trouble right now. That once I get through the EMDR, I will probably settle down 1000%. Here's to keeping our body parts, all of them, crossed. Please. We went through my very very thick chart to see what meds we've tried, and tried again. We went very slowly, so we didn't make any choices out of urgency alone. And in the end decided not to change anything. We are however, increasing them. Ativan to 1 mg 2 to 3 times a day. Topamax to 400 a day if I can tolerate it...and I will take the Prozac every day starting today. If I cycle, then at least I will have some periods of relief.
She said she didn't know how I was working every day...I told her I'd called in 2 days. She said if I needed more, take it. That I WAS sick. And it was okay and she would back me 100%. I mentioned the thoughts I'd been having of wanting to die. She said those were feelings of hopelessness rather than suicidal thoughts...that made me feel better, less scared.
She wants me to reassure my dh that this won't last forever; and that this isn't ME. That the PTSD, BP, and depression are combining to make me this "way". That I shouldn't feel guilty anymore. She doesn't normally do "therapy" but today she did.
So, anyway...here we are. I am going to fight this again. I'd given up completely. I didn't let you guys know that, cuz Tracey would have kicked my butt, but I'd given up. But not anymore. I can't. I have told all of you so many times that I would kick YOUR butts if YOU did!
Thanks to you all for your support and caring. I couldn't do this without you.
Love and Hugs,
Keli

Pages
Keli~ I'm so glad that your appointment with pdoc went so well! And, consequently, Tracey isn't the only Traci that would have kicked your butt missy! But, I too, sensed just in your posts where you were at and was just trying to be as supportive as I could.
So, I along with everyone else have everything crossed for you!!! Don't know what EMDR is, but it sounds like it's what will help you beat this thing! So, I wish you all the best with that.
I've had a very thought provoking afternoon and will post more about that later. But wanted to let you know I'm proud of you for finding that inner strength once more!
Love Ya,
Traci
Thank you for sharing with us (((keli))) and I am so glad you're back in fighting form!
You can get through this. You always do. And we'll be there for you. I only hope as much as you are there for us.
Love,
Amanda
co-cl of the Get Organized board
Pages