Have made decisions - Poss trigs
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| Thu, 09-15-2005 - 8:08pm |
Well, as many of you know I've been on the fence about filing papers with child support enforcement agency to force my ex to pay more support. I even went so far as to get the papers necessary to file. But could not bring myself to do it. I felt so underhanded and sneaky. Having a conscience really sucks at times!
Anyway, I've decided to use the "more flies with honey than vinegar" approach first. I've composed a letter that I'm going to e-mail him appealing to his sense of decency as a father.
I've also decided for the time being to cancel my tdoc and pdoc appointments for me. I can't afford both dd's visits and mine. My insurance changed the first of September and the new company is dragging their heels with the reimbursements and my old company didn't even pay for dd's tdoc visits. So I'm already in to her for a good bit. She's willing to "work something out." But that conscience that I mentioned earlier, won't let me do that. DD is finally comfortable with a tdoc and I'm not going to ruin that for her now. And since I can't afford both, it only makes sense to remove myself from the cost equation.
As for whether the letter to ex will work - it's doubtful but I've got to try it before I take the other route. At least this way he won't feel "ambushed". If, that is, I don't lose my nerve. I'm really hoping that the letter works, because a court battle will finish me off. It came close when the initial custody hearings were going on and if it goes back before a judge, it'll be more than I can handle because there's a sealed journal in the court records that he stole that is evidenicary of my bp and the judge that heard the original case, with my luck, will be the one who hears the next one if it goes to court. And, let me just say he is of the "old school" where mental illness is just a "cop out" and if I was as bad as what was in that journal I would lose my kids. Fortunately, it was sealed before it was ever read but if I reopen the case, guess what ex is going to petition be opened? I can't go through that again, because there's been further episodes some very recent, that would be found out because he would subpoena my tdoc and that's just not going to happen!
This is the other reason I've canceled my tdoc appt's. I can't get any further in therapy until I do this I think. In fact, I don't know if I can get anything else out of therapy. My life is one huge trigger right now and not being able to move out of the house I'm in is just going to keep beating me down. So if I can get more support from my ex it may solve a multitude of problems. And if I don't get more money, then at least DD can continue treatment. I'll get my depakote from my gp and deal with it as best I can.
I called tdoc and left a brief message to this effect and haven't heard back from her. So, I'm thinking she is in agreement about not being able to do more for me until I do this letter. She doesn't know the rest of it yet. But I have to at least get current with her before I can even think about going back in there.
Thanks for listening.
Traci



The only thing I can think of is to give you some {{{{SUPER BIG HUGS}}}} and hope that everything works out for the best.
As for your ex.....does he work? Does he have insurance through his work? Is there any possible way for him to put DD on that insurance so that her cost would be cut? If you are going to appeal to his decency as a father then hopefully he'll be able to help out in the insurance dept. as well as give you the child support for her that she deserves.
If this is not possible then have you considered trying the Welfare dept. to seek out Medicaid options? I don't know the whole story but these are just some things that should be considered. BP is considered a disability even if you are able to work and you can try through the SSA and Welfare for disability for the both of you. This would help out greatly.
I hope some of this helps!!! I also hope I'm not way off base here.
Christina; wife to Jeff; mom to Jeremiah, Brieanna, & Gavin
Christina,
First, you're not off base at all. And I do appreciate your suggestions and hugs.
The Social Services Dept here in my area are a bunch of inept idiots. (Nicest words I'm allowed to print here). I've not even applied for disability simply because I do hold a job and have job stability. "Strike one." I'm not on crack. "Strike two." I'm not homeless. "Strike 3." I'm outta there. The department in this county is too busy with the addicts who do not want to work to mess with the people like me who not only want to work but do. Although I don't know about the stuff for my daughter since that diagnosis is fairly new. Something I can check in to I suppose.
The e-mail approach went as well as I figured it would, but at least he was nice about his excuse. A few months back he skipped a month of support because his finances were "messed" up. At the time, I could afford it and we worked that one out. Since then however, my finances have gone haywire and thus I needed to see about the increase. I find out that he's contemplating bankruptcy (again) and that once he files and has all his debt abolished he'll be able to pay me more in child support. That it shouldn't matter if he tells me this or we both spend a fortune for lawyers to have a judge tell me this. So, I'm still left twisting in the wind. Just as I'd pretty much figured.
Now, I get to tell pdoc and tdoc I have to
Traci
I'm so sorry about all of this.
God could not be everywhere, so
If you want to email me through my profile (I definately get those emails) and tell me what area you are in; maybe I can help you nose around for that kind of info. Make sure you leave me your email so I can send you whatever links I can find. As of now I don't have a job and between bits and bobs of housecleaning I'm online. I don't mind helping out. I did this for a friend of mine with getting her the info needed to get all 4 of her young children on disability.
I'm sorry to hear that your finances are crap but I think that's going around a lot lately considering our's are as well and most of our friends and family are in the same predicament. I really hope things can turn around for you so you and DD can live happy healthy lives. One of my problems with doing things is the waiting factor. I know things will eventually be ok but it's just the waiting until it happens that usually gets me down. I'm a very impatient person. If you're a bit like me then all the waiting can be really frustrating.
Anyway, I'm here for as much support as I can give and since I'm new to chatting with others it might not be all that much. I'm still learning things about myself being on meds and dealing with everything so sometimes I might only be able to give a hug. As in every post if I end up coming off as rude then I really don't mean it and never want anyone to take offense. I don't like being an abrasive person.
Christina; wife to Jeff; mom to Jeremiah, Brieanna, & Gavin
Donna,
As for the state garnishing his wages, won't happen. He only missed the one month and it was, at the time, mutually agreed upon that he would repay me as he was able. The state won't get involved unless he's got a track record of non-payment.
Unfortunately, I know how happy he gets with credit cards. So, believing the bankruptcy thing isn't a stretch for me. It's just the waiting for him to decide to file and then finally do it. I don't know how long that all takes. Ex is only all too aware of how more $$ would enable me to move out and what that would mean. He used to live here too. He's just not willing to do anything about it.
Going to court, as I posted earlier, will do more harm than good at this point I think. Our court system here is still part of the "Good Ol' Boys Club" and women are just looking for their ex's to support them after the marriage fails. Welcome to the 19th century!
As for the doc situation.....I'm already going to be shelling out for DD to continue seeing him and tdoc. There's just no way I can create enough $$ to allow me to see pdoc too.
It sucks, but that's just par for my course. The more I try to do good, the more I get kicked in the teeth. I'm sick and tired of trying. I'm sick and tired of fighting a losing battle. Sometimes I just think my kids would be better off with a foster family and me just disappearing.
Sorry I'm not more upbeat, but I'm just done. Thanks for listening.
Traci
Traci,
If your pdoc is on your new insurance and they're just dragging their feet on paying him, don't worry about it--that's why he has a business office to nag them into paying.
Thanks Christina,
I'll send you an e-mail with the particulars. I'm just so sick of all of this right now. I'm beyond frustrated. I feel like I've been fighting a losing battle for pretty much most of my adult life and the battle finally beat me.
Traci
Thanks Marci.
(((traci)))
Wow, you've got a lot going on right now. I am so sorry that you have to stop treatment right now. Thank goodness your GP can rx the depakote.
I wish that you'd get the money you need from your x.
thanks amanda. i'm not sure right now if my gp does prescribe depakote or not. for the time being, i'm going to see if i can possibly keep at least pdoc 'cause i only have to see him once every 3 months now.
i know after talking to you all that, even though i can't see them right now, there are options. it just all feels so hopeless. it's like i've been fighting this battle with the ex ever since the very first court battle when he brought out my old journal. and he knows he has me over a barrell with that one 'cause it's still in a sealed file at the court house. i don't know. between fighting to get stable and continuing to fight the child support thing, there's that point where i say 'enough!'
you all help to remind me of things i lose sight of. now if i can just not do any more stupid stuff i'll be doing good.
hugs,
traci