Traci....trigs
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| Fri, 09-16-2005 - 8:23am |
Traci,
Okay, first of all, I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time. It sucks, and I'm sorry. Secondly, I commend you for putting your kids first. Your ex is a freaking loser...TOS prevents me from saying worse.
Now, I may sound a little harsh here, and try to keep in mind that this is just a little tough LOVE.
YOU CANNOT QUIT YOUR PDOC APPTS. TDOC is different. Your GP may not even rx your psych meds. I tried that VERY same thing for the very same reason, and my GP said HECK NO! Anyway, you need A pdoc. Please call them, maybe they can help. Maybe they can refer you to another pdoc who works with sliding fee scales, or something. We have programs here like that. It may be different there. I don't know.
If you stop seeing a pdoc, you WILL decline. We always think we can manage on our own, but we just can't. We can't without meds either.
We're here to support you and we will regardless. I just really think at this time, when you're JUST getting stable to some degree you need a pdoc.
Sorry to be so negative.
I am here for you, no matter what. And I do totally understand why you're doing it.
I just wish you didn't have to.
Love ya,
Keli

Adding to this now, after reading what you posted to Donna...
Your BP is talking to you big time...
Now, you pick up the freaking phone and you call your pdoc and you work something out.
Your kids DO need YOU. If you disappear, they would be left with your MOTHER and you know what would happen. They would not be left in a foster home. And they would not be left healthy or happy, or well adjusted, beautiful kids like they are now with YOU in their lives.
Don't let this stupid freaking disorder do this to you...not after you just figured out there is hope. Okay?
You've been in MUCH worse places than this. You've let the CIRCULAR thoughts take over and now you believe there is no way out and there SO is.
Stop thinking this to death. You have to stop it already.
There are so many options out there. There are, I promise. Just slow down for a bit. Take a break of some kind...go chop some wood...go exercise, go do something physical, but not dangerous, and get some of this agitation out. Then let's think it through more clearly, okay?
Stop thinking! And I'm assuming you are being safe...
I'll be here all day checking in.
Love...
k.
Thanks Keli. I did talk to tdoc, she called me a bit ago. I'm going to work something out with pdoc just not sure what yet. Tdoc is being more than nice and wants me to continue. Got rather insistent about it. But, she knows how stubborn I can be when my back's against a wall. I just put another long post on my other thread so I won't repeat it all, but I just have a lot to work out right now and my brain isn't cooperating and it's really ticking me off! I used to have a head for figures, which is why I was never in the position I'm in now. But I've been so out of it for so long because of my rapid decline a year ago (God, I love bp!) I haven't been able to do it. Now that I can, I see the mess I've created and well it's just not good. I'm on overload, I'm pulling extra bus runs which is taking away time I probably should be using to, I don't know, breathe maybe. But I've got to do what I've got to do.
Safety..........well, I'll just say last night wasn't a real great night. I've hit bottom and don't really see a way out of this one. Sorry, but you asked.
I'll keep you posted as best I can. I'm trying not to give in, but this is a hard one.
Love ya,
Traci