pls don't kick me off the board(trig)
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pls don't kick me off the board(trig)
| Sat, 09-17-2005 - 8:44am |
i've been up all night,i've been taking klonopin like its candy & i'm almost out,& old memories are attacking me like flies on garbage.
i even go thru my daily routines..do what i gotta & act as if there's gonna be a future.but there isn't & i have decided to end it.unfortunately i cannot do it this afternoon..this friggin thing has to be convenient for everyone...it could freaking take months.hah...i just took responsibility for another kid in this show in the same breath i'm working out my death.
i'm so tired.& when i'm not tired i'm sad.
sad doesn't even begin to describe it & I DO NOT HAVE A REASON EITHER.how pathetic is that?
so,i'm off to my t-doc & altho i'm going to feel hyper dramatic...i am going to tell her.....................susan
i'm not much help to anyone am i?lol.
i even go thru my daily routines..do what i gotta & act as if there's gonna be a future.but there isn't & i have decided to end it.unfortunately i cannot do it this afternoon..this friggin thing has to be convenient for everyone...it could freaking take months.hah...i just took responsibility for another kid in this show in the same breath i'm working out my death.
i'm so tired.& when i'm not tired i'm sad.
sad doesn't even begin to describe it & I DO NOT HAVE A REASON EITHER.how pathetic is that?
so,i'm off to my t-doc & altho i'm going to feel hyper dramatic...i am going to tell her.....................susan
i'm not much help to anyone am i?lol.

Susan, first off, nobody would kick you off the board just because you are cycling. That, as I've learned is when you need the board the most.
I'm not real sure what's going on, I've not been keeping up with the board these past few days 'cause I've been dealing with my own failures and not very well either.
But, your note sounded kind of ominous. It has me worried. There is always a point for going on for
You are not pathetic, you are bipolar. I'm glad you are going to tell your doc. If you need to go to the hospital, go, just stay safe!
Lots of love,
Amanda
co-cl of the Get Organized board
Susan,
I am new to this board so I don't know your whole history, but I can sympathize with what you're feeling at the moment. First of all, do not stress on the fact that you "don't have a reason to be sad". I'm sure everyone here feels that way sometimes, but the truth is that you feel sad because of the disorder, not because of your situation in life. Situations can be controlled and sometimes changed, but mental disorders cannot without some assistance from therapy and drugs. That's not your fault though, so please don't beat yourself up over it. Secondly, it sounds like you are doing a LOT for others. Trying to help out other people and hide your true feelings is very noble and brave, but eventually you need to take some time out for yourself. You should never be afraid to admit that you need a break to focus on your own well-being. I know what it feels like to just go through the motions for others, but I think that if you take care of yourself first, then hopefully you will actually get some pleasure from helping others. Ultimately we all want to be able to experience some true joy in our lives. Anyway, that's just MHO, but I hope it helps some. Please take care of yourself, and good luck with your doctor!
Stephanie
Susan,
Sorry I couldn't be here for you earlier, but as with the best laid plans I couldn't post from the computers @ DD's college & just got home.
I hope you were totally honest with your tdoc, because that's how she can help you best but we've all BTDT and you have to do a whole lot more to even be at risk of being kicked off!
(((Susan)))
We would not kick you off the board for being what we all are, bipolar !!
God could not be everywhere, so