Keli:......Trigs

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Registered: 06-18-2003
Keli:......Trigs
1
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 6:13pm

Keli:
<<<<>>>>Sorry you are having such a rough time.My son has fibro.and my primary care doc. thinks I have it too.I have not flared for a while but I know how miserable it can be.I take Lamictal(500 mg) a day and it in combination with my other meds.is helpful.
I have not been around since I have been very ill. I was in the hospital for 9 days -in ICU for four days - had three surgeries - and two units of blood.
I had a severe STAFF infection in my left arm.It was due to a SI sore which I picked (Burn). I was too sick to tell the doctors what is was and my husband did not know until I told him later.The docs. thought it was due to an insect bite aor a scrape.
I feel guilty because I hurt my family so much.They were so concerned about me. It was a possibilty that I might lose my arm or even my life.
Apparently I was hallucinating and delusional in ICU.I do not remember much and most of what I do remember was not real.It was really scary.I was told that this happened because I was so sick ;there is somethiing called ICU psychosis and that is what I had. At least I do remembetr that my hallucinations and delusions were creative.I know that I was crying, yelling and screaming. At one point I thought I had died.Right now I am trying to sort out what was real from what was unreal.It is hard not to remember.
My "T" says should not try to remember.
My husband tells me other things that I did in ICU that I do not remember at all.I must have been really wild and out of it.I am so embarrassed by what my husband told me I did and what I sort of remember what I did.
The other thing that happened was that I was taken to surgery within two hours after I was admitted.I was so sick that I could not tell the docs. what medications I was taking. My husband was too stressed to do so. I was off my psych meds for three days and that my things worse in the ICU. Finally my primary doc. told them about my psych.drugs and they put me back on them.
I was cycling rapidly in the hospital,I would be very talkative and then I would be depressed ,upset and I would cry. The whole experience was horrible and not one I want to go through again.
The infection is healing nicely. I went off the antibiotics today and there is a possibity the the infection will return.
I am so tired and cannot do much of anything(My red cell count is quite low)..They told me it will just take a really long time for me to heal
When I am tempted to SI I look at the 12 inch incicision on my arm. Right now I do not think I will SI again-atleast I hope I will not. Fran

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 7:45am

Hey Fran...its so good to hear from you. I'm so sorry I haven't been in touch with you here or the other board. Honey, I'm so glad you're out of the hospital and I said a prayer just now thanking God for pulling you through the staff infection. That had to have been a nightmare. I know the hallucinations were scary, but you know they weren't real now. We just have to hang in there and keep fighting as much as we can. Every day is a new day and brings new things, good and bad. I know all about feeling guilty for what we put our families through. But they love us, Fran. And somehow, someway, they always understand.

Please keep staying strong with those urges to SI, okay? You can do it, I know you can. You've come this far, and you can do it, day by day, hour by hour...you've proven just how strong you CAN BE!

I'll come over and check in on the other board too more often, but feel free to keep posting here, okay? We're here for you and we care very much for you.

Thank you for coming to check on me. I needed that!

Love and Hugs!

Keli