selfish ole me again....

Avatar for suziq_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
selfish ole me again....
2
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 8:36am
do you get tired when everyone keeps telling you to "keep it together"?
ya.
like i can.
small spurts maybe but when the makeup & the bra comes off so does the smile & the facade.
i gave h 1000$ to pay for it but if he's called how come this miracle dr. hasn't returned his call.?
i have a dinner date w/ my old shrink next week & i made ie while high on my med & alchohol mix.
i'll need to pretend i'm doin great cause i'm not paying her anymore(if it sounds weird that i'm having dinner w/ her its cuz i got some work for her kids this summer.)
i have 6 hours so i'm resorting to klonopin in the morning.what'l i do when it runs out?
i love to sleep.
told h i want to go back to the hospital.he said NO.not allowed.take your lithium susan,gain another 30 pounds you vain loe thing & buy depends so you can go far from a bathroom.
i wish there was a painless suicide.
isn't it awful awful awful when you don't care bout anyone anymore xcept yourself.?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 8:54am

Susan,

Okay, first off, you're gonna get my STOP BEING SO NEGATIVE SPEECH! You're not selfish! You are just freaking sick and tired of the freaking crap! Okay? I don't want to hear another negative word out of your mouth about yourself. You're being forced into a corner by your husband and its not fair and its OKAY to be angry about it! Let your anger out, but not on yourself. Now, if you figure out how to do that, let me know.

Secondly, I have to be honest with you here...because I'm your friend and I care about you...YOU HAVE TO GET SOME HELP! Somehow, someway. You're really in a bad place...I know dh said no hospital. And he won't pay for the expensive pdoc. But, is there any way you can get to another doc? You need meds...if you don't want to take the Lithium, that's fine. Its your choice, but you HAVE to take something. I just came off my Lithium too, but I replaced it with two other meds. One is Lamictal, but I won't be up to a therapeutic level of that for 2 months, so in the meantime I'm taking Topamax.

Susan, honey, please...I know your dh makes it harder for you. But tell him point blank if you have to...that you need the hospital, or the pdoc...or you're going to die. Either one. Make him hear you.

Keep posting, though...we're here for you...we won't stop being your friend, no matter what.

Love and Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 11:09am

susan, listen to keli. she knows what she's talking about. i just wanted to let you know i'm thinking about you. i can't add to what keli said but she's right on the money. take care of you. do what you need to do to take care of yourself. that's what's important.


traci