i can be soooo dense!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
i can be soooo dense!
14
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 9:44am

met with tdoc yesterday and had the phone conference with pdoc. pdoc's 'appt' got screwed up 'cuz he called me late and i was on my way to work so couldn't really get into everything. he told me that anytime soon after yesterday i need to get my depakote level checked.


met with tdoc and was completely honest with her. w/o boring details, it wasn't pretty. the 2 days in between visits didn't do much for me. she told me to be sure to get the depakote level TODAY before my 2nd check-in. i told her i would.


this morning as i was drinking my coffee, i was looking over the lab order instructions. this is where my STUPIDITY came in! i wasn't supposed to have anything except water after dinner last night until i have the lab work done today. so now i may have to wait til monday and that's not gonna go over well with tdoc or pdoc. i've got a call in to pdoc to see if i can still have it done today. but it was like a 32 oz mug of coffee that i had consumed.


i'm tired of being so messed up and making all these mistakes. i want my life back! i haven't been *me* in over a year now. and i'm not even sure who *me* was.....was it me stable, me depressed or me manic/hypomanic? i'm sick of being sick. sorry, but i'm just fed up.


traci

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 9:51am

(((Traci)))


hang in there girl...it will get better...you will be yourself again.

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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 9:59am

thats just the thing....i know he told me when he gave me the paper at my last appointment. i just somehow have lost my ability to think rationally. but not going there. y'all have heard it before.


traci

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 10:00am

I did that everyday for about two weeks when I was supposed to get my bloodwork done. My dr is close to my office so I figured I would stop in at lunch. Always, forgot about the fasting until I was half way through my cup of coffee. I finally made it in. Don't feel bad, one day is better than the two weeks it took me.

I want to be me again too and don't know who that is either. Isn't it so frustrating.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Alison

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 10:07am

thanks alison,


there's a lot riding on my committment to my tdoc though. and screwing this up has me worried that an agreement we have in place will be null and void. not good.


but i'm hoping pdoc calls me and lets me do the bloodwork anyway. i don't know why. my luck doesn't run that way, but such is life.


traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 10:14am

Traci,

Its okay...its a mistake, not anything more. Please know that. Your BP is talking to you again, big time, hon. Pdoc will call soon, and you'll see it will be okay. You can get your labs done tomorrow. I've supposed to have been doing labs for a month now. It will be fine.

Hang in there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 10:37am

keli - pdoc just called. can't get the lab work until monday now. i know you are right but i don't know how to overcome my fears. there's so much more to this. my appt w/ tdoc last night was major.


hugs,
traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 11:20am

so now i have to call tdoc and tell her i couldn't get my lab work done because i screwed up. she's been, for lack of better term, on high alert all week. i have to call her for my 1st check-in of the day

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 11:43am

Traci,

You really need to take some breaths and try to calm down a little bit...yes, we all have lives, but its okay to post if you need/want to. That's what the board is here for. I know your constraints however. I just wanted you to know that its okay to vent to us, no matter what anyone else is going through.

Call tdoc...check in...get it out of the way. That's one less thing to worry about. I know its tough for you right now. I wish it weren't. Have you gone back up on your Seroquel yet? You seem to be having more problems with your thoughts lately and that might be one reason. I don't know everything about what is going on, so if that's not even remotely close, forgive me.

You're really struggling and I wish you felt more free to talk about what's going on. That bites because it does help so much sometimes. Just hang in there as tightly as you can and NO YOU ARE NOT coming apart at the seams. It just feels that way. Its not much of a comfort to hear that, I know. But it is the truth. You have been here before and you came out fighting, you will again.

Love and Hugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 11:52am

Traci


I agree with Keli...call tdoc and tell her the truth...being honest right now is the best thing you can do for everyone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 12:08pm

pdoc wants to wait on the lab work before he adjusts the seroquel again. it was really starting to weird me out. but that may change. i talked to tdoc and she's not happy with all of it. she knows my stand on i/p and is doing everything she can to keep it from happening, but she wants to talk to him to see if she can get me something to get me through the weekend. when i met with her yesterday i told her everything that had transpired including the constraints you mentioned.


she pointed out that my resources have been severely limited and unless she can get pdoc to reconsider, my options may be just as limited. and everyone knows what that means.


traci

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