Still depressed
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 09-26-2005 - 4:05pm |
I guess it will be a long time that I will be depressed. I just bought a 12 pack of beer, some butter shnapps and Tuaca. I don't plan on getting drunk out of my mind but I need something to help me with the emptiness and pain i feel. I go see my pdoc Thursday. I am going to see if he can increase my xanax to .5 instead of .25 so I don't have to take 2 at atime 3 times a day.
I thought I was going to have to go to my moms old apartment today to meet my sister and I was up all night dreading it. The real messed up thing is my sister is taking over my moms apartment, so that means I will have to visit my sister where my mom died. I know my mom would want her to have the apartment but this is really hard on me. I told my sister how i felt and told her it will take me time to get used to visiting her there. Well as it turned out I didn't have to go to my moms apartment today.
I went to my urologist today and everything checked out well. My pain is gone and I am free to start the

DRINKING WILL SOVE NOTHING !!!...and I can tell you from much experience...the alcohol will do nothing but harm !!
God could not be everywhere, so
Thank you Donna for responding to my post.
I guess I am looking for a way to escape this pain but there is no way. Everyday I am going too
tina,
u once told me that my self medicating was NOT the right answer...u told me how devastating the affects could be to me, and to my family...do u remember that? u were SOOO right...during this last episode (one that is still soooo precariously still on the edge), i ALMOST gave in and self medicated myself, i wanted it more than ANYTHING IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD. But I didn't. And I am SO thankful that I didn't. My pdoc told me that my brain's chemicals were SOOOO messed up already, that if I added 'something else' into the mix, I would be a literal basket case (more so than my norm). please don't. i know how good it feels to get "out of your own head" for a while...but then you come crashing back into reality even HARDER than you were in it before and it FREAKING SUCKS! i don't want that for you...i did it enough for all of us here on the board...its amazing that i am still around...
please stay strong enough for today...we'll deal with tomorrow when it comes.
i'm going to email you my phone number and you can call me if you need to, okay?
love and hugs
k