stick a fork in... trigs

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
stick a fork in... trigs
3
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 9:17pm

...me, i'm done!


my sleep that i was finally getting after so long has taken a hike once again. i never realized how much i actually missed sleep for the past year until i started the depakote and actually started sleeping again. ah, but then the bottom fell out and landed me back in the land of insomnia. no sweat - right? i've done it before with no repercussions, i can ride this out 'til pdoc gets the meds right again.


um, NOT!!!!!!!!!!! i am so exhausted right now i can hardly function to the point where it has finally seeped into my job performance. i had an incident on my bus today that i totally missed because i was zoning. we are so short on drivers that calling in without a 'good' reason is playing with fire. so calling and saying 'i'm not coming in today 'cause i'm tired' ain't quite gonna cut it. i have tried so hard to keep my illness out of my job and succeeded a long time, but now it's coming undone. now, i know they can't fire me 'cause i'm bipolar. but they can find other means to fire me.


then there's the meds thing. i noticed with other posts i'm not the only one dealing with this frustration. but i've made an appointment with tdoc tomorrow because i'm tired of being on meds and getting worse when once upon a time there were no meds and i was a functional human. these other posts have really got me thinking. so i'm writing down questions as they zoom through my mind and am basically planning a heavy duty q/a session tomorrow w/ tdoc.


the one thing i am craving right now is probably, according to multiple people, the worst thing in the world for me and that is to be by myself for a few days. my temper is out of whack again, my depression, my si tendencies don't make a good mix for that. but i feel like i'm just spinning my wheels and making things worse by 'being a good kid and doing what the docs say.' i know i have to get stable w/ the meds before the tdoc appts can start benefiting me again. but i'm worn out.


i don't even know if i'm making sense right now. i feel like i'm rambling, so i'll stop. but if anyone has any input, i'd sure appreciate it. tia.


traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 8:17am

sorry i had to go last night while we were still talking, my son had been bothering me forever for dinner...how did the night go? how did your morning at work go?

when is tdoc?

dang at all these questions!!!

hang in there...and post an update if you can...

hugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 9:44am

*******possible triggers!*******


i tried something new last night. i only took the depakote. no trileptal, no seroquel, no trazodone and no xanax. and i actually slept! my mood today is one that i don't really like or trust. i'm bouncing between rage and depression right now and, with me, that's never a good mix. i'm tired of all the garbage that i've been dealing with - that's a given. i've got my list of questions for tdoc all ready and even made a list for pdoc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 10:00am

((((Traci))))


I'm so sorry this is happening...once again I wish there was something I could do to help.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

God could not be everywhere, so