I'm new here

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
I'm new here
7
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 11:48am

Hello all! I am glad to have found this board. I am part of the Aug 05 Mommies and saw a post about this, so I thought I would check it out. I have known I was bipolar since I was 17 (I am 23) and have been on meds since 14. I am only on prozac right now, since I breastfeed and couldn't take anything other than this when i was pregnant. My dr thinks I may only have to take this since I have only been truly manic twice in my life. Anyway, pregnancy was horrible for me. I was in the psych ward twice, once in patient, once day treatment. It was rough. My emotions were OUT OF CONTROL. I felt as if I was coming out of my skin most of the time. My relationship with DH was horrible. We almost left each other many many times. Since I have had the baby and gone on the prozac (which I did around 20 weeks), things have gotten better. But there are still times when I get so mad I can't stand it. I let the past control me and I need to get out of that. My depression shows itself in anger. I have so much patience with my DS though, it is weird. I never get upset with him (he is 2 months old) or lose my temper, even if he is screaming for 2 hours strait. I think God choses the babies he knows we can handle because Kyler is such a good baby. I couldn't ask for anything better. What I want is to get my emotions under control...or atleast be able to control myself when my emotions are out of control...

Sondra

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 12:01pm

Hi Sondra and welcome! I'm really glad you came over and checked us out. There are many of us here who also have our symptoms present in rages and anger stuff. I will say this first off, anti depressants will make those symptoms present a lot! A mood stabilizer can help to even your moods out some, but I know your nursing and can't take that right now. Its frustrating, isn't it?

We're here and we understand! Its a great place of support and I hope you'll stay. I've found my best friends here and I've been here for about 4 years. This board has saved my life on more than a million occasions!

Do you see a psychiatrist?

I was 14 too, when I "became" BP. Funny how that works.

Hugs and Love,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 12:02pm

sondra, welcome to the board. this is a great place for support and understanding. the ladies here are fantastic.


do you have a therapist in addition to your pdoc? a lot of times that is very helpful with bp people.


i wasn't dx'd until well after my youngest was born so never had any experience with meds while pregnant. i know there are others here who have and will be able to help you more with that.


post as often as you want to, vent away. that's why we are here. you are definitely not alone.


traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 12:10pm
thank you for the responses ladies! I originally started seeing a counselor when I was 14. I had good reason, I think to be so upset-- my parents had me in the same school system my whole life and they put me in private school in the middle of my freshman year. I had grown up around the same kids my whole life. Never really even ventured out of the town I lived in. She felt I needed meds and so the story begins! I had a really bad dr from 17-22. In the spring of 2003, he had me on 6 meds, including anti psychotics and xanax, an antidepressant, zyprexa (which "helped" me gain nearly 40 lbs!) and 2700 mg of Neurontin. I was a walking zombie! I got off all the meds for the first time in my life after that and was wonderful for a year, until I got pregnant in November 2004. Then my hormones were all over the place. I have broken my dining set, dvds, damaged carpet and even got the landlord calling us last february because our neighbor complained about the screaming. I COULDNOT help it, I was miserable, out of my mind, and on no meds to control it. I need some coping mechanisms so that I don't continue this damaging behavior. I am at my wits end again...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 12:59pm

I can totally relate...it sounds like you are raging...and THAT can be a way that MANIA is presenting itself to you, my dear! Fun, huh? I know, I know, humor isn't exactly called for sometimes, but you'll find that a lot of times here, we use it because to not use it, is just too dang sad!

There are many many many other mood stabilizing medications that WILL NOT make you a zombie...Neurontin, ESP at 2700 mgs, was enough to make the jolly green giant a ZOMBIE!!!! I hope you can start seeing a psychiatrist. When things start getting out of control, they don't necessarily go the other way without the help of meds. You don't have to take a million of them...that's not what I'm saying, but you may need more than just an anti-depressant. Its probably CAUSING some of the raging and anger issues.

You should do some research on Bipolar and raging. You'll see what I'm talking about. A lot of the women here can relate to that too. I know I can! Its horrid! I'm hyper-sensitive to a/d's and they always send me to the edge of mania and its usually the raging kind...not the FUN kind. So, I know exactly what you are talking about.

Hugs!

Keli

Avatar for singergal4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 1:33pm

Welcome Sondra!!!!


You and I are alike in expressing our depression in anger. I myself have to work through this and it is a rough road not to be taken lightly. I'm happy to hear that DS is easy to handle even when you are angry. I hope you find a comfy home here to vent away your troubles and praise yourself on your successes!!!! There are always ladies here that I've found to be a great wealth of information in just the short time I've been here and a truely great support system!!!!











Christina; wife to Jeff; mom to Jeremiah, Brieanna, & Gavin

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 1:50pm

Hi and Welcome !!!


I'm so glad you found us...like everyone said its a great community of women and we are all here for each other.


I was the same as you...while bfeeding...I was great with ds and piss on everyone else.

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Avatar for momtwofourboys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 1:54pm

Totally understand. With each pregnancy i did not take meds and was manic through the whole pg. I litterally lost it many of times - same reason cannot take bc pill. Anti depressants make me manic. I take about 250 mg of depekote and it helps with the anger - rages. It is so important to find a med that helps. Depekote does put on weight but have comorbid anorexia - so weight gain is a good thing.

Jen