Selfish boardhording
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Selfish boardhording
| Wed, 12-01-2010 - 6:44pm |
My dear friend, who knows of my A, is having some issues with NC and with maintaining boundaries.
| Wed, 12-01-2010 - 6:44pm |
My dear friend, who knows of my A, is having some issues with NC and with maintaining boundaries.
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Wow Dee. This is not an EASy situation at all and I can feel your struggle in your words. It is hard to know if there is a right decision.
I know you feel, as I do, so blessed to have been able to find this place and benefit from it's wisdom. And it is easy to hope that anyone struggling with these types of issues is lucky enough to find it. And maybe that's what you have to do...hope she finds her own way. While I know it is difficult to deny someone this kind of help....it comes down again to what is best for you. As much as I feel for your friend, and know you care, I would just hate to see her introduction result in any kind of muting, quieting, censoring, or dulling down of the on and only deester!!! Fact is you have only made it this far because you did focus on YOU, and would imagine that continued growth must also focus on what is best for you.
And to play the numbers game and look at it from a ROI pespective....sure introducing your friend here would have a positive impact on her...one person... Losin you or somehow lessening your influence around here due to self-censorship would have a negative impact on many....those already here and those yet to come. Or maybe that is just me using logic to be selfish myself....because an alterd Dee would be for me a tragedy (sorry like you needed any more pressure...gulp). And actually my logic is flawed because I am sure your friend being her would result in her helping others and passing it on.
I personally can't say what's RIGHT,
but I can say what I would do.
1) If you're already providing support to her and are willing to be supportive in THAT capacity, can you TRANSPART your knowledge here - AS IF she was on the board?
Dee-
I don't have much to add that hasn't already been offered. In my opinion, the "right" thing to do is tell your friend about EAS. But if it were me, I don't think I'd be able to. Anonymity is very important for many reasons. You have to have loyalty to yourself first. No matter what, we all know that until she decides the A is over, nothing will matter - not even all us wonderful EASers.
Bodhi
Dee, I dont have the *right* answer either BUT I will tell you I personally could not do it.
Why can't the world be black & white? Sure would make these moments easier, eh?
I hear people supporting you to keep your safe space, and believe me I understand and appreciate that. The other part of me feels that integral to our EAS journey is coming to live authentically & with dignity & treating others from a place of deep care and humanity. I am not sure that I personally could with hold telling a loved one about EAS if I sincerely believe(d), as I do, that the support provided to me here and my off-board relationships that I have formed, helped save my life. Period. However, as of yet, I am not faced with that choice, only you are ... and whatever you decide you KNOW that we will always be here to support you; however you're the one who will have to manage the consequences of either decision. What if she did find EAS and found you here ... would you feel okay with yourself if she asks you why you didn't share this as a resource?
I dunno. Integral to this journey has also been about re-learning boundaries and taking care of oneself. So does taking care of yourself in this case mean withholding information about EAS as a support to your friend, or letting go of the anonymity of your EAS space to feel a different kind of better?
Tough choice hun )-:
Big Hugs,
TU.
I also can not have ya anyway than ya are, A's has been said. So if u can be u and stay around, whether or not she knows it's you or not and u are slightly ok with it, tell?
Otherwise, hope she finds it on her own, but would she be upset that u did not tell her? How close are ya...will she fight for ya in da club if some chicks rolled up on you? That's my way of saying are you too tight like that? If not, then oh well, she's got to get her own...
Took me a while to get to an answer but that's it and I am sticking to it.
Hope u find peace in whatever u decide...
Comes down to how close you are...truly close.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
If you don't want your girlfriend to have that intimate knowledge about you, then don't share EAS with her...period.
I agree with everyone that this is a very tough one.
I do agree that YOU must come first.
LOL. Beer goggles? I love it. No more rose colored goggles in my posts. :-)
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