Checking in

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Checking in
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 2:23pm

I am doing ok, I guess. See, I wake up depressed. I go to bed depressed. I think about my mom all day, but I am trying to think good thoughts. The meds can't keep me from feeling the pain from losing my mom...I wish they could. I feel like I just keep repeating myself.


I have not drank any alcohol and only took 3 xanax yesterday. I took one xanax this morning and will at 3:00. I will take 2 at bedtime. I am going to try and not take more then that a day even though I know I can take up to 6. I will only do that if I really need to. I can't believe how much Lamictal I am on. I am also very shocked that the Prozac hasn't sent me into mania...Weird. I was suprised that I had a bag already and with me when I went to pdocs and didn't go i/p. I guess it is a good thing.


I checked into a grief counseling support group and they don't start their next group until November 8th. They are almost done this one they are doing now. This is the closes place to go and it is an hour away. I was disappointed. I will have to just keep working with my tdoc. I don't want to go to a grief tdoc because I will have to change tdocs and I like the one I have right now.


About Billy, I went off on him yesterday. I sent him an e-mail too but I don't think he has read it yet. I didn't just talk to him about my illness and what it all means but about things around this house that bothers me. It isn't anything big, just some little things that keep happening that make me frustrated. I don't know how much of it will make a difference but I am not letting up.


Donna you said about checking my appendix...they are already gone but my sister had problems with cysts. I haven't had any pain today. If it comes back