met him 1 yr ago this month
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| Thu, 12-02-2010 - 11:05am |
December is going to be a tough month for me as I met AP last December : ( The date of our 1 yr meeting is going to be very hard… Just a few months ago we discussed "that date" so I know he will probably remember it also. I don’t think he will contact me but you never know… especially the way our A ended without saying it ended and just going NC since mid October after a minor fight where I was frustrated and he was stressed about many things… I know I won't contact him cause I have been amazingly strong and have not - yipee…. I just don't know how to get through this month and then get through other days also where triggers happen due to the exact same time of year where we were totally in love. I am finding that I am thinking of him less and less every day but some days are better than others and I still cry a fair amount… I am on anti-depressants now for 3 weeks and I don’t think they kicked it yet cause why am I STILL a mess… aren't those pills supposed to help lessen pain???

Hi DD
Sorry to hear you are having some bad days.
Hi D,
Congrats on maintaining NC!
You are wise to realize there will be triggers this month and realize the importance of having a planned strategy for getting through them.
Of course reading here and posting here should be first on the list. Do you journal? If not add that to your list. You can always write out what you wish you could say to him in your journal but that way it is for your eyes only and just to get it off your chest and out of your mind.
Have you tried the strategy of only allowing yourself x amount of time each day to think about xAP and the A? That way if thoughts come up outside that time you can tell yourself that you will think about that tomorrow during your allotted time. This way you are not avoiding working through your thoughts and feelings but you are limiting the amount of time you allow yourself to dwell there. It helps bring some balance back to your life.
Also have you asked yourself if by letting your mind “go there” if it is a way to avoid dealing with other issues in your life? I was certainly guilty of that in the early days after ending. I simply traded one addiction the A for obsessive thinking/fantasying.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.