What do I do next?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
What do I do next?????
5
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 5:17pm

ok, i've played by the rules........that go me nowhere except a laughable amount in child support and the ability to watch xdh strut out of a courtroom stifling his laugh (this was 6 years ago so nothing "new").


changed my job that i'd been at for 5 years for 2 reasons: 1) get rid of daycare expense and 2) probably even more driving- to get away from xdh (we worked at the same place). got my job as a bus driver - could take younger 2 with me on the bus, hence no longer have the daycare expense. Now, that's not even necessary, but the hourly rate and the benefits keep me there. i've increased the number of hours i'm working and although it's not 40, i'm considered full time by the county. i've also gone back to school so i can get an even better job to better provide for my kids.


my kids are getting older and thus more expensive. it's just the 'natural order' of things. this (and some other things) as most everyone here knows, has kept me so far out of balance it's not even funny. soooooooo, i decide to take action to try to get out from under this landslide that i'm immersed in. i tried the nice approach first, going directly to him. HA what an IDIOT i was! then, i decided to take the advice of some people i'd talked to and go through child support enforcement. got the application and started filling it out. then, today (not weeks ago when i got the packet - oh no) i was reading through a booklet regarding their "mission" and what they can and cannot do. my divorce

Avatar for missyflanders
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 6:06pm

Hugs Traci. I wish I could offer you more. My BIL has custody of my niece and her mother pays nothing towards child support. He also can not afford an attorney, so he is watching her mother do fun things with her that he can not afford. I provide some free child care when I can, as do his parents. She is in school now too. She claims to be a great mother and provide a ton for her, but it is just not the case. She claims to have spent $500 on her for back to school, but my BIL has not seen anything. Just wanted you to know that the system sucks, which I am sure you already do, here too.

I wish I could help. Know that we want to kick his butt too, LOL.

Missy

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 7:45pm

Traci,


When my dd was born in 1989 her father did not work...yea I know what

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 8:24pm

tina, i'm sorry to hear about your struggles with your dd. but will keep fingers crossed that you can sort this all out when you are ready. and i agree, right now it's probably best to deal with your grief first then work on getting custody and cs again.


as for going to court by myself........yeah, it can be done. it's frowned on by judges. people who represent themselves are "wasting the good time of the judges"......i mean, sheesh, they could be out on a golf course somewhere! (oops, sorry.....i'm still steamed) but people don't win cases around here defending themselves. i watched his first wife all but get laughed out of a courtroom by doing that. and we have the same judges now as we did then.


i think the one thing i need to do is calm down (if that's even possible without slamming into that black hole) and think this out. i'm half afraid of work tomorrow 'cause my temper is so bad right now. but if i do take him back to court, taking time off for "no reason" not to mention we're short staffed, won't bode well.


thanks again.


hugs,
traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 8:55pm

Traci,


Do you have a law school in your area?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 9:26pm

thanks marci. i'm not feeling real good about myself right now. i appreciate your help though. when i'm not raging my depression screams at me. i'm just totally at a loss. this was the one thing that tdoc was really pushing me to go with because it messes with me so bad. and i can't even do that right. so, i guess my line of thinking a few weeks back - that until i can resolve the ex issues, there's really not much more tdoc can do for me - holds true.


sorry to sound so negative, but that's just where i'm at right now. one thing i won't allow him to do is strip me of my life or strip my kids of my life. so that's not a worry right now.


hugs,
traci