having a bad bad day

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
having a bad bad day
2
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 7:30pm

I have been a reck grieving over the loss of my mom today. I had a couple good days and today is all a mess. I went and visited my sister and for some reason that made it worse. I don't know why. I laughed some with my little niece but the pain was deep inside. I felt like I was faking the laughter. I was going to stay longer but felt the need to excape and come home. I had to take a xanax while I was visiting her. This week I have to go to my moms to help my sister move furniture so the people at the office can paint and lay new carpet because my sister is taking my moms apartment. I dread going there. I don't want to face that. I don't know how much I will visit my sister in the future. When I visited her today she was at her dd place. I still got upset and I wasn't even at my moms apartment. I am a mess and I want to drink a few beers. I am sorry, I want drugs so bad to cover this pain. I know they will not help long term but I need immediate relief. I can't stand this pain anymore. It is just a bad day. I needed to vent.


Thanks


Tina~

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 9:02pm

Tina,


Being with your niece could have triggered (subconsciously) memories of you as a little girl with your mom, or it could just be pure coincidence--the bad days are gonna come, but they will gradually get fewer and farther between as time passes.


As far as going to your mom's old apartment--if it is going to really upset you, then don't do it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 7:37am

Tina,

I totally agree with Marci...I know you feel like you have to go to your Mom's apartment, but honey you are NOT in a place where you can do this. You aren't able, period. Your sister isn't Bipolar. She can find someone else to help her.

Marci is also right about the bad days coming and going, and getting fewer and farther between. Please try to remember that.

Yes, yes, and yes...you know the drugs/drinking won't solve anything...in fact, they MIGHT make you forget, but they WILL MOST DEFINITELY make you feel worse when they wear off. YOU KNOW I KNOW THIS.

I love you, girl.

Please call me when you need someone. If you don't have my numbers anymore, post to me and I'll resend them to your email.

Keli