Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traci
4
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 8:03am

Okay you...time for some tough love...LOL.

First of all, I do love you...

Secondly, you are NOT a bad parent. Think about this...what would your kids have done without YOU? If they'd been with their DAD (stupid x from here on out)? OMG. You have sacrificed for them, and you have made decisions for THEM, not for YOU. Only a GOOD parent would have done that.

Now, what you are GOING to do is:

1. Make a list...of what your ultimate goal is..."getting more child support"
2. Figure out EVERY single way there is to go about getting that DONE
3. LIST EVERYTHING...whether its in your reach right now or not
4. THIS IS YOUR PLAN

At least now you have a plan. You can review it, and research your options, talk to people, call Lawyers offices, see about pro bono, ANYTHING to work TOWARDS your plan...call Legal Aid offices...SOMETHING. Even if you DO represent yourself and get laughed out of court, you will have DONE SOMETHING. You have to stop sitting around getting more and more depressed about it, you have to take some form of ACTION.

It will totally help you feel like you are working towards your ultimate goal and you won't feel like your back is against the wall.

Here in Florida, our Department of Children and Families will petition the Court for you. We go to them, ask for an increase, and they go for it...especially if the Mother is on a fixed income.

You have to DO SOMETHING.

This is your BIGGEST TRIGGER. Its what gets you EVERY SINGLE TIME. You will NOT let stupid x bring you down. He wins that way and we will NOT let him win! PERIOD. He is SO not worth all this pain and stress and heart ache. I wish I could say other words to describe him, but I can't! You know what they would be!

I'm always behind you 1000%, and if I can help, I will.

Just start with a list. That's something. It will be frustrating, but it already is! You have to feel like you are working on it. If it gets to be sooo stressful that you are contemplating running away, or hurting yourself, you may have to drop it and consider other options, like a new job. Or a second job. I know that sucks. But I've BTDT, I was getting NO child support for the 2 years I was separated from DH, and I finally had to get a second job. But it was much less stressful to me to do that, than worry about trying to get $$ from him. I don't know what the answer is, but I do know that you are going to end up I/P if you don't stop him from affecting you this way. I also know how hard that will be to do. I wish you weren't in this situation. Life sucks sometimes, but reality is what it is, ya know?

You're an awesome Mother to those kids, hon. They are great kids and they wouldn't be great kids if it weren't for YOU. Not him...YOU. Stupid x is a loser and you've raised them into what and who they are.

I hope I didn't upset you here. You know your best interests are always what are important to me and nothing more.

You can call me too, ya know...you have my home number I think...if nobody answers, it means my son is on the phone with his gf...try back.

Love ya...

k.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
In reply to: keli003
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 9:34am

I completely agree with Keli.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
In reply to: keli003
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 9:50am

these are the times i wish that the rage would stick around and the depression would take a hike. it's so easy for me to work on things and take action when i'm on fire. but i have to deal with that.


donna - you didn't set me off yesterday. what finally got to me was reading that stupid book that clearly stated this agency cannot petition for an increase as i had previously been told.


keli- you are right on the list. last night as i sat at ds's football practice watching him my mind was working.....and after that well into the hours of the morning -sometimes insomnia works for me- (don't tell tdoc i said that;) ) and the very first thing i need to do is get my own creditors off my back long enough to deal with stupid x the way he needs to be dealt with. so i've got a plan in place for that. then, while i'm taking care of that, i'm going to hunt around and see if i can find a lawyer through legal aid like marci suggested who might do it pro bono. and right now, that's all i can come up with.


last night 15 yo dd (the one w/ bp) started on the downhill slide mood wise so now i've got to direct my attention to that as well. that's important. not that mine isn't, but i've got to protect my kids.


i'm sorry i went off on such a tangent yesterday. i just get so tired of taking positive steps forward only to get knocked back into the negative. and knowing that stupid x is at the bottom of all of it just makes it that much worse because i really thought 6 years ago i was 'done' with him controlling my life.


ok, gonna stop now before i set off on another tangent. i feel it brewing. thanks again ladies.


love ya'll!


traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
In reply to: keli003
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 10:19am

so...as far as the creditors...can you re-finance?

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
In reply to: keli003
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 10:41am

i'm going to apply for a personal loan using my truck as collateral. having a secured loan is the "cheapest" way i can go right now. i've figured up the amount i need, the amount i can get, and what my payments will be. now is when my 15 years exp in banking comes into play. i just had to tap into it.


i've done the credit counseling and am a big proponent of those agencies! that actually is one of the reasons stupid x and i split. he did to my credit while we were married what he's done to his since we divorced and demanded we file then. all the cards but one had my name on them. i said absolutely NOT and went with a credit counseling firm. in fact, august of '06 they will be paid in full! and my credit, for the most part, pretty much repaired. a lot better than it would have been if i had let him ruin me like that. he had nothing to lose then. it was all my credit that he had fun with. anyway.......that is a good way to go. he, however hates it. it takes "too long" and you can't get credit cards for a long time, blah, blah, blah. well.....according to the new bankruptcy laws, he's still gonna have to pay it back and it'll be longer for him to re-build his credit. oh darn. i'm heartbroken. can ya tell????


anyway, within the time frame of the loan, i will have paid off 2 other obligations - 1 my jeep and 2 the credit counselors. so that will only leave the 1 personal loan payment. omg, that'll be like hitting the lottery! and then that one should be gone before i have to worry about my student loans.


long and short, i should have pursued this child support thing months ago. there are 2 times of the year that kill me financially. from august through december is one and april is the other. and i was so friggin unstable i couldn't think about any of it without driving myself further down. so now i know what needs to be done. i know the first few steps i need to take and get things moving.


the lawyer thing won't be so easy, but i'm sure something will work out. it's got to. it's time the teflon got stripped from stupid x! oh, btw, i live in va. thanks again donna.


back to the research for me...


love & hugs,
traci